I sometimes forget just how sensitive some people’s ears are. When I’m talking to people my age or younger, they’re used to language that their elders might consider “offensive”—it’s part of our modern culture, much like half-naked models on billboards and beer commercials on TV. But when those elders are in the room… that can have an unfortunate effect. Continue reading “Shut the hell up!”
magnetic Romance kit III
This poem brought to you by the best way to commit sexual harassment using a file cabinet at work:
shall we moon those young girls
with the full breasts and
wet sensual lips?
I know we must; each and every one.
as the morning sun
kisses your naked cheeks,
you cry, “I am so drunk!”
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magnetic Romance kit II
This poem brought to you by the best way to use your refrigerator to show you love someone when they suffer from a case of the munchies at 3:00am:
I say, “my goodness, dinner is magnificent”
as I slowly eat some delicious pie.
she begs me to snuggle, but I laugh deeply.
her eyes are ablaze and her blood boils.
she holds my neck and caresses my head.
her voice whispers softly in my ear,
“I cannot live without your warm embrace, baby.”
then the wench lights my hair on fire.
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Radio Ga-Ga
It’s hard to explain how awkward it felt being on KS95 this afternoon. During the interviews for Beauty and the Geek, I’ve spoken in front of a group of people, I’ve done it with a video camera on, but talking to a couple DJs over the phone… it felt so unnatural. Continue reading “Radio Ga-Ga”
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Shawn-sploitation
After doing grunt work from Monday through Thursday, I was ready to have a little fun. More specifically, I was ready to have a little fun at First Friday. It’s a Mensa gathering that happens every… well, every first Friday of the month—pretty self-explanatory, really. But I wanted to attend for a very specific reason: I wanted to give my thanks to Paul Jensen. As you may have read before, he was the catalyst for my appearance on Beauty and the Geek—he told the casting agency about me and the rest is still becoming history. However, I’d wanted to wait to tell him until I knew when the show was going to debut so I could spring it all on him at once. I feel so devious… Continue reading “Shawn-sploitation”
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magnetic Romance kit
This poem brought to you by the best way to show you care and wipe out the magnetic strip on your credit cards at the same time:
voices in my head make me
blow my liquid man sugar
on her baby’s dinner
(Tasteful, no?)
