Just a quick note to everyone: if you wanna be bad-mouthing each other, do it someplace else–there are plenty of other crappy forums on the Internet that’ll let you post just about anything using any kind of garbled abbreviations, misspellings or random remarks that have no intellectual or humorous value whatsoever. If you wanna post comments on here… I reserve the rights to being the potty-mouth and removing anything I deem inappropriate.
Donations you shouldn’t claim on your tax return
There’s nothing wrong with telling the IRS that you gave money to good causes like Boy Scouts of America, ASPCA, Booger-Eaters Anonymous… whatever floats your boat. (I can’t say I’ve ever collected enough boogers to see if they could keep a boat on their surface, but stay with me here.) There are also groups that want stuff other than money, including Habitat for Humanity, Goodwill, Booger-Eaters Anonymous… maybe the members run out of their own once in a while, I dunno. But there’s one company that doesn’t fit into either of those categories: Cryogenic Laboratories, Inc.
I got a letter from them a while back asking me to donate “gametes.” For those of you who don’t know what those are—I had to look it up in the dictionary, too—they’re an essential element of spooge. These people want to pay me money to jerk off. Boy, when opportunity knocks on my door, it’s looking to pound it off the hinges. Since I don’t want to hoard the amusement for myself, here’s the letter with an added bonus: commentary by yours truly. And before you start asking, no, I haven’t been honing my donation technique and the keys on my keyboard aren’t sticky while I type this. Continue reading “Donations you shouldn’t claim on your tax return”
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Am I old enough to be an adult yet?
Upon checking the Inbox on one of my multitude of e-mail accounts (I think you can write to me in five different ways), I found one message that’s offering… well, it’s not something I’d pay money to see, but I think the disclaimer is worth sharing. Continue reading “Am I old enough to be an adult yet?”
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Shut the hell up!
I sometimes forget just how sensitive some people’s ears are. When I’m talking to people my age or younger, they’re used to language that their elders might consider “offensive”—it’s part of our modern culture, much like half-naked models on billboards and beer commercials on TV. But when those elders are in the room… that can have an unfortunate effect. Continue reading “Shut the hell up!”
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What do you do with your free time?
My uncle posed this question to me during dinner a couple days ago. I asked him whether he was keeping up with his drawing, a hobby he took up a few years back. He hadn’t done anything for a while, but I imagine that after I mentioned it, he started thinking about which drawer he might have left his pencil in. Of course, after I mentioned it, he asked what I was doing with my free time. I’m still not sure how much I could have told him. Continue reading “What do you do with your free time?”
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It’s all about the stuff
Now that December is almost over, I don’t need to worry about people thinking that I’m poo-pooing the holiday season by writing this. You might think it’s because I didn’t get enough Christmas presents this year (and I didn’t, dammit!), but it’s a philosophy that I firmly believe in: people put way too much emphasis on “stuff”. Continue reading “It’s all about the stuff”
