What a nice backhanded compliment!

You may need to settle down with a bowl of popcorn for this blog entry. Hell, I might want to grab some popcorn for this. Depending on how deep I got into the back story, this could take a while. Before we begin, I should introduce you to and/or refresh your memory about a few things.

First off, the National Good Templar (NGT). It’s a national newsletter that gets distributed to all U.S. members (and a few overseas) of IOGT, officially known as the International Organization of Good Templars. Please, please, please note that we have no relationship to the Knights Templar: we’re not religiously affiliated; our major goal is to practice and promote the non-use of drugs and alcohol; it began in Utica, NY in 1851, so no raping, burning and pillaging throughout Europe during the Crusades that I know of.

The previous editor of the NGT was charging an exorbitant amount of money for each issue last year (her own fee plus costs for another company to do the printing, mailing, etc.). For an organization that’s nationwide, we’re pretty small—we can’t support going into the hole $12,000 in one year. Borrowing money from China is not an option. Thus, I decided to throw my hat into the ring: I submitted a bit that was significantly less expensive. (The previous editor sent out a bid of her own several days later that compared the two. It turned out that the totals were really close when she priced mine at eight issues and hers at six.)

I was given the job to produce six issues this year, but I was making a few changes: I’d be using 20-pound paper instead of 80-pound (thinner and lighter) and printing it via my mother’s copier/printer (it’s not professional-grade, but it could eat your personal printer and still have room in the paper tray). I was sending them in envelopes instead of folding them over and putting little sticky tabs on the edges (another reason why we don’t need the 80-pound paper). I also included a section on Page 1 to notify people that after 72 years, they could finally receive their copy of the NGT via email (a .pdf file will look cleaner, smoother, it’ll be in color… all sorts of benefits).

This second part, which is probably a refresher for most of you, is about backhanded compliments. They sound nice, but there’s a hidden layer of insult behind it. Example: “You’re pretty cute for a fat girl.” Yes, he said you’re cute. He also said you’re fat. He might be thinking, “If your face was on a skinny girl, it’d give me nightmares and I’d wake up in a cold sweat, needing something to drink because I threw up a little in my mouth.” But since you’re fat, you’re pretty cute. Backhanded compliment.

With that out of the way, time to bust out the popcorn and see how the story unfolds. Continue reading “What a nice backhanded compliment!”

The wisdom of Chuck Lorre

I’ve been watching episodes from Season 2 of The Big Bang Theory (you know, the copy that was lent to me on a permanent basis) over the last couple days and one thing I enjoy about having the DVDs versus watching it on television is a final white screen with some text that pops up at the end of the credits. I always pause and read through the entire thing—if I miss it, I’ll stop and go back. Sometimes it’s so-so, sometimes it puts a smile on my face, but the end of episode 15 was the first time that I laughed out loud:
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Chuck Lorre Productions, #240

A wise man once told me that we are all God in drag. I like that. Sometimes when I’m in a public place or sitting at a stop light, I’ll watch people walking by and I’ll silently say to myself, “He’s God. She’s God. He’s God. She’s God.” Before long I always find myself feeling a warm sense of affinity for these strangers. The experience is even more powerful when I do this while observing a person who is clearly suffering. On occasion I’ll test my little spiritual practice by turning on Fox News. Within minutes I become an atheist.

An interesting Christmas snack

I decided to watch a movie this afternoon and wanted to make some popcorn, so I went to the kitchen, peeled the plastic off a bag, put it in the microwave, then pushed the POPCORN button. For some reason, when the microwave indicates that it’s running the program to heat popcorn these days, some of the letters are faded. Hey, as long as it tastes good, that’s the important part, right? So I’m perfectly content to start up a movie on my laptop, then curl up under a blanket with a cup of steamy hot chocolate and some porn.

No, I think she loves attracting instead.

I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and saw that Joy Glass (from reality TV’s “The Glass House”) had tweeted a link to “one of my favorite shoots!” I clicked on it because… I wanted to know why there are so many songs about rainbows and thought I might find the answer there. Yeah, that’s it… rainbows.

I’ve been surfing the web this morning and noticed that people’s copy editing skills have been sloppy recently. Sure, they can rely on spellchecker, but when you put the wrong word spelled correctly into a sentence, you get results like this caption under her picture: “Joy is a nurse / actress. She also loves spending time outdoors, hiking, repelling and just being with friends. Her ambition is to leave the world a little better than when she found it.”

I can totally picture her beating away dudes with a hiking stick. She doesn’t seem the least bit repelling. Now, if she loves rappelling—using ropes to descend down a rock face—well, plenty of other attractive people enjoy that, too.

If we hide, maybe the Apocalypse will go away

Will Santa’s workshop burn faster when the Mayan apocalypse happens because he’s got so much coal to deliver for Christmas?

I’m pretty sure we won’t have to worry about the answer to that question, but it’s a thought. The only reason I’m bringing up the subject is because some people talk about how if the Mayans could really predict the future, they would have predicted the arrival of “Spanish dudes with steel and influenza” (quote courtesy of one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore). Here’s my problem: How can a race of people avoid getting annihilated?

Think about it. “A bunch of people will be sailing into the harbor next month. Their weapons are much better than ours and we’ll get very sick if they get too close. They want to kill us, ravage our lands, then hang around for a long, long time. Hmmm… okay, here’s the plan: we huddle up in a cave with some blankets, my teddy bear and a Swiss Army pocketknife… we should be fine for the next five or ten years.”

And I can hear you all screaming, “That’s ridiculous! The Spanish didn’t invade Switzerland to steal their pocketknives before going overseas to wipe out the Mayans!” I’ll grant you that, which means the Mayans wouldn’t have had any of the little gizmos and they’d have to use spears to open canned goods while hiding in their bunkers that they built to avoid getting wiped out.

Seriously, people. Even if the Mayans knew that the Spanish were coming, what could they do about it? They didn’t have bunkers, they didn’t have pocketknives and they didn’t have teddy bears. They were screwed.

Showing respect in the wake of tragedy?

If you’re reading this on the Internet, then you’ve probably been inundated with information from all sides about the shooting in a grade school in Newtown, Connecticut yesterday. Personally, I think it was disgusting. And I’m not just talking about what happened inside the school.

Immediately afterward, news reporters and camera crews arrived on the scene to “gather information”, which entailed a lot of pictures and videos of emotionally distraught parents, teachers, children… the pain on their faces was very real. Reading that kids were being interviewed just after their friends were killed makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, you want to get “the scoop”, but from five-year-olds who were scared for their lives, hearing screams coming through the intercom and seeing that kind of slaughter? Not cool. Not cool at all.

And then other people jumped at the chance to push their own political agendas. “Gun control!” “Stop trying to take away our guns!” “Without guns, this couldn’t have happened!” Yes, it could have happened. Do we have too many guns in this country? Maybe, but taking them away isn’t going to solve the problem. If someone breaks into a school with a big knife, is that somehow better? He didn’t have a gun, so it’s okay? Most objects are potentially lethal. The problem isn’t the object—it’s the person holding it. Some reports say the killer had a history of mental illness, so maybe we should quit bitching about gun control and look at ways to help people who think they should do something like this in the first place.

But you know what else happened yesterday? A lot of kids got some extra hugs from their parents. There’s no way we should dismiss the tragedy that happened and the pain that community is feeling right now, but give your kids some extra hugs. Remember the importance of life, of love, of family. Flags flying at half mast seems like a hollow gesture to me, so if you really want to show some respect for the people of Newtown, let your kids know how much they mean to you and give them some extra hugs.
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Good God. I’m not adding this to apologize for saying that the problem springs from something beyond gun control, but when someone suggests that people with autism lack empathy and that’s why it happened… there are not enough teeth in that man’s head to knock out. His opinion is biased, it’s offensive, and it’s wrong. Autism doesn’t push people over the edge into crazy. Show some respect for auties and Aspies, too, would you?