Category: Journal

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GOOOOOOOOAAALLLLL!!!

What a bad way to start the week. (Or end the week, depending on whether you think it starts on Sunday or Monday.)

I’ve been playing on a co-ed soccer team called “Mad Dogs” for about 3 1/2 years now. As a defender, I rarely have the opportunity to score a goal—it’s usually more important to keep the other team from running up the score—but the indoor winter leagues have a shorter field, so I’ve made a couple runs during the last few weeks. I keep thinking, “This could be the week. I could put the ball in the back of the net this time.” Today, I was right. I scored my first goal in 3 1/2 years. And it went in the back of the wrong net.

The other team had a corner kick, so the girl booted the ball down the line right towards the goal. I was the closest player to it, so I ran up to try and knock it away. Unfortunately, I had my body turned in a way so that instead of the ball bouncing back towards the corner, it deflected off my shoulder and directly into the goal. That’s when I said a bad word. It was… well, I did it in the bathroom about ten minutes before the game started (and no, it wasn’t the “f-word”, ya perverts…).

On a positive note, the Super Bowl was tonight! I was really tired and slept through the first half, but thankfully, we’ve got a VCR—I know, I live just a few years past the Stone Age—so I’ll have plenty of time to watch the commercials later. I have to say, my favorite was [insert a good one here]. It made me laugh, it made me cry and it made me hungry for more salsa con queso. With all three of those at the same time… life is good…

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Hairy Scandinavians

I went to the Science Museum today for my little brother’s birthday because he wanted to see a movie about Vikings in the I-Max Theater. After watching that, we wandered around to look at various exhibits and I ended up visiting the gift shop for a while. They always have neat stuff to buy there: books, t-shirts, posters, jewelry… and action figures. They had action figures (I assume for the kids) which would either help stimulate their intellect or give them yet another target for G.I. Joe and his semi-automatic “Blow Your Scientific Ass Off” rifle. But what really surprised me were the figures they chose.

Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin weren’t a big deal. Leonardo da Vinci and Sigmund Freud seemed a little out of place in the museum, given its exhibits regarding dinosaurs, weather, etc. And then there was Bigfoot. BIGFOOT! In the Science Museum! Who the hell decided that would be a good idea?! “Even though its existence is based entirely on rumor, myth and fuzzy black-and-white videos, let’s pretend that it’s a scientific fact!” We lie enough as it is in the political sphere–why bastardize the natural sciences, too? On the other hand, if Bigfoot had been carrying a Norwegian flag, wielding a sword and wearing a helmet with horns on it… maybe that’s why the last five minutes of the movie were so fuzzy.

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No going-away party?!

Sorry about disappearing for a few days. There were some behind-the-scenes issues: the guy who’s officially behind the creation of this blog was trying to switch to a new server, then the service provider decided it would try to charge $150 a month to use it… it was messy. Said guy gave me the scoop earlier this afternoon and it appears that the issues have been resolved! Yay, guy! (For the nosy ones out there who want to know who “guy” is, he’s the lord and master of cloudscout.com.)

So hopefully there won’t be any more problems in shawnbakken.com-Land. Or at least no more problems than usual. (And yes, I know that Season 3 of Beauty & the Geek started yesterday—I’ll try to write something soon.)

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Vote Big Bird for City Council!

That’s right, you should all go out and exercise your right to fill in little bubbles on a sheet of paper, slip the paper into a machine and discover tonight that your choices made no difference when the final results are tallied. God, I love the smell of democracy in the air! It reminds me of visiting the barn at the State Fair where cows and horses stand around and poop all day.

My dad filed an absentee ballot since he’s been out of town for the weekend, so I got a peek at who’s on which ticket beforehand. For City Council, there are the two incumbents and one person who has no experience at any level of politics, which is why I figured Big Bird would be a pretty good candidate instead: you know he’s going to be working for the children’s best interests and he’ll want to clean up the streets. And teach everyone basic Spanish. But there’s a much larger list running for governor with their various party’s support. I just wonder what some of them would want to accomplish if they were elected. We have:

  • Independence
  • Republican
  • Democratic-Farmer-Labor
  • Green
  • American Party
  • Quit Raising Taxes

I shit you not. There is someone running for the “Quit Raising Taxes” party. Some politicians focus on the war on terror, education, Social Security… I wonder what they’d really do if they ended up in office. Farm subsidies for all? That might explain the smell of democracy in the air.

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Let’s Do The Time Warp Again

I’m not sure why the postal system delivers things when they do, but I am oh-so-confused about some of the stuff I’ve pulled out of my mailbox over the last few days.

On Saturday, September 2nd, I got a letter from the American Bar Association. I only glanced at it briefly and can’t recall the details—I think they wanted me to pay some money to upgrade my membership from cool lawyer to super-cool lawyer. What I do remember is a little plastic space on the front of the envelope.

Well, technically, there were two. In one, you could see my name and address (I’m assuming that was for the benefit of the postal service). In the other, it asked me to please respond promptly. By August 31st. I haven’t the slightest idea who that was for the benefit of, given that there was no way in hell for me to reply by the requested response date. Maybe if my magic mailbox that can send letters four days into the past was working…

Then I got a package in the mail today, September 5th, from the Stephen King Library. They automatically send me his newest book as soon as it gets published; instead of paying $35 plus tax at the bookstore, I get it for less than $20 (which includes shipping, handling, and spanking the yak). I got a hardcover version of ‘Salem’s Lot a couple months ago—the full, unedited version that includes illustrations and four or five short stories at the end—but like I said, it came out a couple months ago. You’d think they’d space the release of new books a little further apart so they wouldn’t be fighting each other for space on the best-seller list, right?

Well, you’d be right. The package wasn’t a new book—it was the 2007 Stephen King Desk Calendar. I just have one question: When did New Year’s and Christmas start competing for which could start earliest in the fall?! I still have almost four full months left in my current calendar, but now, if I need to schedule an appointment on April 12th of next year, I’ll be set!

The last time I checked, people have been putting up their Christmas decorations the day after Halloween, but New Year’s has suddenly pulled ahead to start the day after Labor Day. I swear to God, if I ever see a holiday calendar in my mailbox on July 5th, I’m gonna upgrade my ABA membership just so I can sue Santa Claus for emotional distress. (If I win, then I can afford to buy everyone’s Christmas gifts that early.)

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Celebrate good times, come on!

I’d like to wish Porter and Marie a Happy Zero-th Anniversary and Casie a [CENSORED]th birthday!

Michael “Porter” Porter and Marie Johnston got married yesterday, which was one of the coolest weddings I’ve ever been to (and not just because I got to guard the guest book…). Why, you might ask? Well, if you did just ask, I didn’t hear you, but I’ll provide a Top 10 list of answers regardless:

1) It was held at the Science Museum of Minnesota, though we didn’t take pictures next to the dinosaur skeletons or the Bodyworks exhibit. For those who have never heard of Bodyworks, it’s an exhibit where dead people have had plastic stuff injected into their circulatory system or muscles or other aspects of the body, then everything else got removed. It might look like a sculpture of a bunch of arteries and veins, but there used to be flesh and bone surrounding them. (If I’m not doing the exhibit justice, well, that’s because we didn’t get to take wedding photos in there.)

2) We all had designated seats for dinner and each table was identified by a certain element. For example, there was tungsten, platinum and silicon (which some people kept calling “silicone”, thus providing a little insight into America’s obsession with boobs).

3) My designated seat at the tungsten table was between two hot chicks! Hell, yeah…

4) It was an M & M wedding. That’s not meant to refer to their first names both starting with M, though it’s an interesting coincidence. Maybe that’s why they fell in love, I dunno… But the “M & M” signifies a marriage between two members of Mensa, which helps explain the Science Museum, the elemental tables, etc.

5) Even though it was an M & M wedding, all of the places at the dining tables had a box of Nerds candy with a “thank you” note on the back and the little characters on the front wearing tuxes and wedding gowns.

6) The ceremony was performed by St. Toby, a local member of Mensa.

7) St. Toby concluded the ceremony with something to the effect of “By the power vested in me by the Flying Spaghetti Monster…” The result was a lot of laughter from people in the know and probably a lot of confused look on all the other faces. For those who have never heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can find more information on Wikipedia. The Kansas State Board of Education’s requirement for schools to teach intelligent design creationism along with evolution—it happened in 2005, swear to FSM—so someone developed a religion in protest that… well, you’ll have to read about it.

8 ) Dinner was very yummy. Very, very yummy.

9) The reception was entirely dance music, some of which included Young M.C., Vanilla Ice, M.C. Hammer… three cheers for the early 90s! (I wish that there were a few slow dances in there—I would have liked to dance with pretty much everyone except for Porter, ’cause he refuses to let me lead…) And yes, that means I did dance, but #10 provided a little extra incentive:

10) The DJ gave everyone glow sticks to dance with, so there are going to be plenty of good pictures with those things spinning around on the dance floor.

So after having such a good time, I’m wishing the best for Porter and Marie for many, many, many, many years and maybe a couple more for good measure.

As for Casie (pronounced KAY-see) Perry, it was her [CENSORED]th birthday! Way to get older!

We were supposed to have met at the museum to wander around for an hour or two, go see the Bodyworks exhibit before the ceremony started, but she was held hostage by her friends during a birthday brunch. Bastards… (I had to learn about stem cell research and nanotechnology without anyone to keep me company!) Plus my sunglasses fell out of my pocket, so I’ll have to head to the optometrist to get another pair of those. But someone recognized me from Beauty and the Geek, so the afternoon was up and down.

Overall, yesterday was a day of celebration and I hope it’ll be worthy of a big ol’ party from here on out. (Mental note to self: August 27th is now an anniversary, a birthday and a good day to reminisce about how cool glow sticks are…)