Laugh long, laugh loud, laugh hard. Laugh until your cheeks hurt and tears are streaming out of your eyes. Laugh as if your life depends on it. Your sanity certainly does.
The anatomy of love
“You’ll always have a special place in my heart. And when I say ‘special place,’ I mean a spot just below my left ventricle.”
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So what if our house is surrounded by trees?
“Did you guys go out to dinner?”
“We were out… saving homeless squirrels.”
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Leave your baggage at the door
If you think a guy has issues, make sure they’re part of his subscription to a magazine.
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Yep, it’s a Friday
Trying to fight against the soul-sucking nature of my job today, my body went through the motions while my brain took a sharp turn and roamed the countryside, thinking up thoughts that needed to be written down and shared for those who might appreciate a bit of insanity that slips into the workday from time to time.
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If duct tape fixes everything, why won’t it get the crap off the wall that the last strip of duct tape left behind?
If wishes were fishes, imagine what kinds of animals hopes and dreams would be.
If Iceman got cocky, would people say he had a big pair of snowballs?
If someone tells you, “Talk to the hand!”, use sign language so it understands.
If advice can go in one ear and out the other, why can’t anyone else hear the voices in my head?
“You can do whatever you want.” I want to grow a third arm so I can count to 15 on my fingers. I can’t, so if I ever need to get to 12 or 13, I have to take off my shoes and socks and no one wants that.
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Almost helpful
Sign on the side of the road (with a phone number at the bottom):
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FOUND
MISSING
ITEM
To everyone out there who’s ever misplaced something, you should give them a call—that item might be yours.
