How can I be truly lost when the universe revolves around me? I’m always in the middle!
Big money! Big money!
While watching Wheel of Fortune earlier today, one puzzle was “Husband & Wife”. The ampersand was there, then after the contestants had chosen N and T, I figured out the answer: KEVIN FEDERLINE & BRITNEY SPEARS.
Here’s my dilemma: Should I be thrilled that I solved it so quickly or depressed that pop culture has tarnished my brain so thoroughly?
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Artificial Stupidity
“They didn’t really HIGHLIGHT [your hair], they just darkened around those blonde streaks.” — Laurie Handler
“But at least you know that I don’t bleach the hair on my butt—I make an excellent smartass.” — Me
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Common side effects may include…
During every TV commercial about some kind of drug, they have started listing potential side effects and Viagra is no different. Now they have a doctor explaining its benefits, but he also mentions that it can cause things like headaches, stomach discomfort and abnormal vision. It turns out our parents were right, guys:
If you masturbate (while using Viagra), you could go blind.
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He’s a playah
I’m so smooth, you might as well call me “Astroglide.”
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Disgruntled little blue people
That’s bullsmurf! Take your smurf and smurf it up your smurfing smurf! Smurf you, mother smurfer!
