The current marketing slogan for Mountain Dew is Do the Dew. You know what I say?
Don’t just Do the Dew—Be the Dew.
Or if you’re feeling indecisive, Do be do be Dew.
“Shawn, second the motion.”
“Do you know what you just voted for?”
“Castrating gerbils for scientific experiments.”
“…”
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Accounting on drugs
For those of you who have taken an accounting class before, you know how boring it can be at times. Our professor is trying to keep things as light and upbeat as possible, but I’m starting to wonder about him…
The accounting equation: Assets = Liabilities + Equity. If one side goes up, something on the other side goes up; if one asset goes up, another goes down and so on. “If my cholesterol is 120 and I’m doing lines of coke, maybe that evens out!”
And he has an interesting opinion about people in marketing, too. “Two things marketing people do. One, snort coke. Two, play the ukulele.”
Yeah, things could be… interesting for the remainder of the course.
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And I feel fine
I wonder how much money R.E.M. is making this weekend? – Marie Porter
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Nurse, I seem to have soiled myself again.
“I want my kids to put me in hospice in the next few years so I can enjoy it for a while.”
“While you can still appreciate a sponge bath.”
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Thank you, Lord, may I have another!
“Are you a son or The Son?”
“This is like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and Kevin Bacon is GOD!”
