Category: The Arts/Media

Posted on

Joey Coattails is [cut, paste] a great guy!

The first episode of MasterChef 4 is coming up in less than 24 hours and I’m a little concerned on Marie’s behalf. Not that they’ll show her doing anything uncouth—if they show something on the screen, well, she did it intentionally. No, I’m a little concerned about the editing process.

I’ve told people plenty of times in person, but I’m not sure if I’ve written about it on here or not: on a reality show (at least in my case), they can pull you off to the side and ask you questions for over an hour, then maybe use a three-second sound clip that the producers really like. Sometimes it can be longer than three seconds; sometimes they’ll use multiple sound clips; sometimes they shuffle the order around to create more drama and suspense.

And that’s why I’m worried. If Marie complimented or expressed admiration toward either of the chefs, the producers might put that next to a sentence using Joe’s name to make it sound like she thinks he’s awesome. If that happens… she’s got a lot of knives in her kitchen and I imagine she can learn to cut and paste body parts pretty easily.

Posted on

Next on FOX: Two Chefs and a Douche

I’m afraid to report that another of my friends who had avoided reality TV up to this point has come over to the Dark Side. First me, then Stephanie Link, now Marie Porter. Why won’t these people learn from my example?!

I guess in Marie’s case, it’s a little more understandable. The show wasn’t just “live in a house and try to win a bajillion dollars.” She auditioned for MasterChef. I’ve had limited exposure to fine cuisine—I’m quite fond of mac ‘n’ cheese out of the box—but she’s probably the most masterful chef I’ve ever known, so it seemed like a reasonable decision.

Part of her motivation was to win the money, but another (probably larger) part was the exposure. She’s already written several cookbooks and the results of her recipes that I’ve tasted have been ultra-yummy. Unfortunately, the market is extremely saturated. There are sooooooo many cookbooks on the shelves that it’s almost impossible to know which ones are good: “Norwegian Tailgate Grilling… Nigerian Bagels… 501 Ways to Cook Goat Testicles!”

Marie is fairly well established on a local level, but without a wide-scale “fan base”, her books still get smothered among all of the sucky ones. Competing on MasterChef and showing a national audience what she’s capable of doing… BAM! Huge fan base! Now people everywhere know her name and can seek her out.

Marie has heard stories about what goes on behind the camera dozens of times. Talking to Stephanie and me, she already knew that “reality TV” isn’t reality: it’s what the audience sees according to editing and producers’ decisions. Still, it was the proverbial “opportunity of a lifetime.” She’s probably satisfied with just the one opportunity. Continue reading “Next on FOX: Two Chefs and a Douche”

Posted on

Oh my God, it’s Aaron Starr!!!

We had a pretty solid second weekend of Wage Warfare. The guy in the light booth and I hit all of our cues, so I stayed within my quota of screw-ups. (Yay for me!) But alas, now the play is over and I haz a sad. I won’t see most of the cast until our DVD viewing party in about a month, at which time I plan to get everyone to autograph a poster so I can sell it for a lot of money when they all become famous.

I do have one tiny regret. One of the characters in the play is Aaron Starr, “an international superstar and music icon.” The director picked a guy named Kyle for the role in part because he could get up on stage and play guitar between scenes and during intermission. (Wage Warfare takes place over the course of a work week, so people needed time to change into new clothes for almost every scene.)

I consider the final intermission a missed opportunity because if I’d told people ahead of time, they could have recruited some friends and family members to carry out my sorta evil plan: While Kyle performed, have a bunch of audience members stand in front of the stage cheering and screaming, then start throwing very large pairs of women’s panties up at him. He might have felt like a music icon; he might have frozen like a deer in headlights; he might have panicked and sprinted out of the theater. Whatever happened, I’m sure his screaming fans (and those of us backstage) would have loved the show.

Posted on

That was our cue! Hit the lights!

The first weekend of Wage Warfare went well. We had a decent audience for all three shows (they might have been larger had Winter not decided to rear her cold and snowy white head again) and there were no major flubs onstage. Honestly, I think I might have been part of the worst one.

In the program, I’m credited as “Creative Coordinator/Swing.” What those actually mean are 1) I made various suggestions to the director and he used about three of them; and 2) the musical theater term for “understudy.” The title I really wanted, the position I’m most proud of, is that of “Smoke Machine Guy.” And that’s where things got a little messy on Saturday night.

During one of our final rehearsals, I showed up late, but early enough that I was there to push the button and send fake smoke shooting out onto the stage (the first of five times). I heard my cue and pushed the button. Nothing happened. It made a nice clicking noise, but that was it. The director told me later that the machine takes seven minutes to warm up, so since then, I’ve always plugged it in as soon as I get to the theater. I figured I’d reached my quota of screw-ups at one, so I better get it right from then on.

Fast-forward to Saturday night. The smoke always accompanies a change in lighting… I like to think that the lighting change accompanies me, but I usually wait for the lights anyway. When I heard that first cue—the same one when the smoke machine didn’t work before—the lights didn’t change. I had one of those oh-crap-nothing’s-happening-the-lights-haven’t-changed-should-I-hit-the-button-anyway moments—I’m sure you’ve all had a few yourselves. (There was one person in the audience who saw the Friday night performance and had more of an oh-crap-nothing’s-happening-should-I-run-backstage-and-tell-them moment instead.)

I’m not sure if the actors onstage paused at that point or not. After hearing the cue and the lights stayed the same, I was too busy trying to decide if I should hit the button right away and let the lights accompany me for really real. Thankfully, they changed a few seconds later. I think it was a few seconds later. It might have been just one or two, but after getting the timing down during all the rehearsals, it felt like a long time.

But like I said, that may have been the biggest screw-up over the entire weekend, which I think says a lot about the actors and the play as a whole. For those of you who are interested in seeing a really funny show this weekend that has several bursts of fake smoke in it thanks to yours truly, you can still come to one of the remaining performances:

WAGE WARFARE
April 19-20 at 7:30 p.m.
April 21 at 2:00 p.m.

Lakeville Area Arts Center
20965 Holyoke Ave., Lakeville, MN 55044

The official Facebook event page

The official website to buy tickets online ($14.50 for any seat in the theater!)

Posted on

Engaging in Wage Warfare in 5… 4… 3… 2…

Over the last month and a half, I’ve been working with a fun group of people rehearsing for a play that’s starting in 5… 4… 3… 2… yeah, two days. Today is Wednesday and the first performance is this Friday night. A quick summary of Wage Warfare:

If you’ve ever had a job, or wished you hadn’t, this office comedy is for you. Even on a good day, tensions run high in the customer service department of The Treasure Chest because two of the female coworkers can’t stand each other, and a third is constantly stuck in the middle. But when a chance for a promotion suddenly appears, all three women find themselves fighting for the job, although they don’t all fight fair. A madhouse free-for-all of schemes, sabotage, and unlikely alliances erupts, unseen by their idiotic boss.

Sadly, I’m not a member of the cast this time around. I know, pity party for me, right? In the program, I’ll probably be listed as “Creative Consultant,” “Assistant Stage Manager” or “Smoke Machine Guy.” (I’m leaning toward that last one.) Hey, we need some smoke puffing up in the background a couple times during the show and someone needs to push the button on the machine—it’s totally within my skill set, so I’m the man for the job!

I could probably be “Stand-in” or “Understudy” as well. One cast member who plays “UPS Guy” has had problems adjusting his work schedule, so during the last few weeks, I was filling in for him on stage. The director was talking about how we were about the same size and could use the same outfit, I needed to learn his lines… thankfully, he’s only in a few scenes, so it didn’t take me too long to figure out the cues, what to say and when to say it. However, he’s been at all the dress rehearsals and should have no trouble from here on out, for which I’m also thankful, but I’m not going to spoil anything by telling you why.

This week, I’ve been giving people high-fives backstage because, hey, team spirit! One person preferred a fist bump last night, which was cool. It wasn’t as cool a minute later when I found out I had to fill the role of a teenage girl who couldn’t be there because she was taking an ACT prep course. (Yeah, I don’t understand her priorities, either.) I had to say one line last night. One line. I said it backstage as soon as they told me and said it wrong, so he took his fist bump back and it made my hand very sad.

Up until now, it’s just been rehearsals. The real fun happens over the next two weekends. And now it’s time to promote the show! Because I don’t want you all to miss out on my mad-crazy smoke machine button pushing skills.

WAGE WARFARE
April 12-13 & 19-20 at 7:30 p.m.
April 14 & 21 at 2:00 p.m.

Lakeville Area Arts Center
20965 Holyoke Ave., Lakeville, MN 55044

The official Facebook event page

The official website to buy tickets online ($14.50 for any seat in the theater!)

Hope to see a bunch of you there!

Posted on

Obama knows how to party!

I’m sure a majority of you have heard about the uproar caused by CNN’s coverage of the Steubenville, Ohio rape: their initial coverage sounded overly sympathetic for the “fine students whose futures were ruined” and little regard for the girl who was raped. CNN lost a lot of credibility in people’s eyes during that time, which may or may not make this situation even more ironic.

I logged onto the Internet this morning to check my email and my homepage includes a section showing headlines from CNN.com. That section included this picture and caption:

Because Obama’s speeches are just a gunfight waiting to happen.

Given his push for gun regulation after the Newtown massacre… really? How do they think this is going to affect their credibility? I’m not outraged, demanding an apology or someone get fired, but seriously, quit screwing around and get back to reporting the news.