Category: Beauty and the Geek

Given how much I enjoyed seeing people not make it to the bottom of the slope—sorry, guys—this felt like an appropriate title for the episode. Unless you haven’t heard the song, in which case you haven’t the slightest idea what I’m talking about. Well, it starts with laughter and a big drum solo, but you’ll have to hear it to really appreciate it. (Just ignore the fact that it’s being played by the Beach Boys.)

Going to Big Bear and doing the same things, but in snow? C’mon, Chris, show a little love for the outdoors. Sure, you might have seen me wandering around by myself like that, but at least I would have been enjoying nature while doing it.

I don’t buy Tara’s “I’m just a girl” defense against Joe throwing snowballs. If she could plead “I’m tiny, petite and very fragile”, then maybe… Consider: I was playing soccer last year and bumped into a girl (apparently a little too hard for her tastes). She reprimanded me with “Don’t play so hard, I’m just a chick!” Then later in the first half, she took out one of my (male) teammates from behind. “Just a chick”, my ass…

I would have loved to spend time in Big Bear and do the sledding challenge, even if it involved vomiting on the slope where people were trekking up to the top of the slide. At least it’s easier to bury the results that way.

Given The Great Wall of Big Bear, how could the producers think putting a sled together would be a challenge when The Wall was so structurally sound?

Tara and Joe are looking more and more like a married couple as time goes by. They have their spats, they support each other in the face of adversity and when Tara is in a bad mood, Joe sleeps on the couch. Except they’re in the cabin, so he grabs the bearskin rug, brings it into the room and sleeps on the floor. Who got in the last word this time, huh?!

Tommy’s got the hots for Tara, but doesn’t want to ruin things with DraculAmber, who doesn’t really like him… does anyone else wonder what his life has been like since his illusions were shattered over a month ago?

I can completely relate to Jason’s feelings of “I screwed up, it’s my fault.” I’m a tad skeptical of it being all his fault—letting his heels drag shouldn’t have slowed them down that much. I would be astonished if the producers could somehow figure out the physics behind how long and at what angle the slope would have to be, how much force to get started, what happens if they start swerving around like Tommy and Amanda… way too many factors to take into account. Maybe Jason’s ass was a little too heavy and that extra drag is ultimately what kept them from crossing the line. (Or maybe Kristina’s ass was a little too heavy, but we don’t speak of such things lest we wake up buried in the snow to our necks with wild dogs urinating on our heads.)

The elimination ceremony reminded me of something I saw on Whose Line Is It, Anyway? There were three guys who had to “vote someone off the island”, so to speak: the first two guys picked each other and the third walked up to the camera and said, “I pick me—I wanna get the hell out of here!” Sadly, Tommy and Amanda didn’t have that option, so they got rid of yet another couple. It’s a shame that he stopped giving people hugs after deciding their fates, it really is…

I’m starting to feel a little guilty. I’ve been pointing fingers at so many of the girls on the show because of their egos and bitchy attitudes—it’s not my fault that so many of them were cast—but I’ve been letting someone off the hook for a few weeks now: Chris. He claims he was the reason that his teams won the Beauty vs. Geek challenges, his team has won a challenge (i.e., Cara did, who got her really good science fair example from Jason), he assumes that any physical challenge is his for the taking (and now he’s lost two to Tommy)… I think I would have called him out if he wasn’t so calm about it. No yelling or screaming or tantrums, just “I’m the best—deal with it.” Personally, I think he should get back out on the football field so Tommy can paste him again. But that’s just me.

Someone sent me a message via Myspace to let me know that Season 5 of Beauty and the Geek may be its last. If that’s the case, I hope the show doesn’t go out with a whimper—the concept as a whole deserves better than that.

Jim definitely had an impressive makeover. You could still kinda recognize his eyes, nose and other facial features that weren’t previously covered with hair, but… well, they were covered with hair before, so what do you expect? (I noticed right away that he was wearing a baseball cap to help hide his shorter hair in back, which makes me wonder whether the producers told him he might have a “surprise” coming shortly after he left the mansion…)

Aside from that, it didn’t seem like there was much worth talking about. The eight minutes of additional footage that hadn’t already played in the regular episodes… yeah. Oh, and it looked like the name “DraculAmber” was more appropriate than I thought. I can only hope that my anticipation for the next episode will be more fulfilling than finally seeing this one after it aired last Tuesday.

[My apologies for a lack of entry this week—I was getting a haircut and missed the episode. I’ll try to make up for it as soon as I can.]

I was in the waiting room at the doctor’s office yesterday and picked up a copy of Entertainment Weekly from the middle of March, which happened to be the same week as the premiere of Season 5 of Beauty and the Geek (sweet!). It was in the “must-see TV” section, so that’s good, right? Well, here’s the review:

“Remember when this stereotype-squashing series had heart, proving people were more than their appearances? Well, season 5 can’t be bothered with that mushy stuff. Now it’s beauties versus geeks in tired challenges like getting digits from people in a bar. The only redeeming part is Greg, the nebbishy ‘Gaysian’ outcast. Give Greg his own show!”

Man, it sounds like it’s going to be an complete debacle and make people across the world cry uncontrollably when they tune in, doesn’t it? Well, the reviewer gave the show a grade to show how debacle-ish it was going to be:

B-

Sheesh. It’s like the show is going to a college where professors don’t want anyone to get any bad grades and make them feel bad about themselves…

If you don’t mind, I’d like to extend last week’s theme one more time. Back on June 22nd, I posted a saying of the day: Loose lips sink ships. So do large holes in the hull. Well…

SHIPWRECK: Loose lips sink ships. In this case, it seems they were Randi’s lips.

And the flashbacks keep a-comin’. The showdown at the Joe. K. Corral brought back some not-so-great memories of the outdoor challenge, primarily the ones of Scarlet yelling at me. In her case, the yelling was somewhat justified—she had a reason to be pissed off at me. Randi… not so justified. Going off on a tear because Joe wouldn’t let her play a stupid joke was asinine and immature. With that kind of behavior, they should have changed her title from “The Navy Diva” to “The Navy Brat.”

Then there was my being pushed to the brink. Scarlet had asked me to “go look for firewood with her” so she could yell at me away from everyone else. I folded my arms as she kept going and going and going… finally, she paused for a moment and I asked, “Are you done?” When my family heard that on TV in that tone of voice, they knew I was at my breaking point. Thankfully, Scarlet’s response was, “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Had she started yelling again, I’m not sure what I would have done, but it wouldn’t have been pretty. I don’t think I would have lashed out physically, but she probably would have received a dose of her own medicine plus a little extra to grow on.

And then there’s Joe in a similar situation. He folded his arms as Randi kept going and going and going… I don’t know what his threshold is for bitchiness, but I guess when you reach it… [insert spitting noise here]. Not that it improved the situation—far from it—but it had a much more impressive effect on her than “You will rue the day you met me.” Actions speak louder than words and loogies apparently speak pretty frickin’ loud.

Before I go any further, I’d like to tell you a story about the house being “haunted.” In this case, it means the house is “filled with bored crew members who need to get their jollies somehow.” We had a similar problem one night, though it was limited to rattling against the windows (probably courtesy of little rocks being thrown at them from outside). Some of the girls were getting freaked out and the noises kept coming. Once they calmed down and stopped being scared, the noises stopped as well. Coincidence? Maaaaaybe…

Another flashback: Watching Leticia trying to hook up the fire hose was like seeing Scarlet struggling to loosen the lug nuts on the car tire all over again. She was doing so well—seriously, she was in front up until that point—and then the tire iron simply wouldn’t turn. (If that ever happens again, I’ll remember to tell her, “Put it level to the ground and stomp on it!”) And as our gracious host was providing commentary, he told the viewing audience that Scarlet was trying to turn the tire iron the wrong way. Oh, I was sorely tempted to provide some of my own commentary at him…

After looking at that giant pile of trash, I think I’d prefer the smell of napalm in the morning.

And what the hell was with the “arithmetic” challenge, anyway? When the geeks (and Leticia) were being firefighters, they could jump onto that inflatable bulls-eye (or almost land on the pavement next to it) and marvel at what they did. They feel good about themselves, gain confidence, think about kicking fire ass and taking fire names, etc. What could the girls possibly get out of sifting through garbage? “I’m so proud of myself for not puking while I was digging for bottles!” After all, not everyone can complete their challenges without blowing chunks. Or so I’m told.

Flimsy reasoning for sending someone to the elimination may sound like a load of crap, but it’s better than using a dartboard.

“Greg, please understand that I take no pride in going to the elimination room with you.” Why is that so hard for Randi to believe? Joe is friends with Greggy. It’s her ass that he wouldn’t mind kicking to the curb. And if she’s made such a drastic change, why doesn’t she sound any different? She’s still as loud and belligerent as when she was feuding with DraculAmber—the only difference I could see between the “earlier” and “later” clips was that her hair didn’t look like she had a bunch of balloons clinging to it anymore.

So after watching the entire episode, I’d once again like to reference an older entry where I questioned whether Randi had any virtues since she lacked humility. I’ll give her credit for supporting Greggy, but beyond that, I didn’t see much of anything.

Wanna know how I judge growth on that show? Listen to the exit interviews. The ones who learned something during their stay always talk about how they changed. For example, Greggy felt more comfortable with himself and was thrilled about his new-found confidence. On the other hand, the ones who didn’t learn anything say that they helped everyone else change. You may have noticed that Randi placed herself firmly in the latter category. (Incidentally, so did Lauren from Season 1, which didn’t surprise me a bit.)

And after reading this entire entry, I realized just how much of it revolves around Randi. I imagine that’s the way she looks at the world, so if she ever reads this, she’ll probably ignore what I wrote and simply bask in the attention I gave her. Dammit…