Theory of Knowledge Quotes (Joel):
Gettier makes me puke.
You sit down and look at Descartes’ arguments, you puke.
We’re not going to discuss much of “knowing by acquaintance” because empiricism is false.
I want people to take off their analytic glasses for a moment.
BIG ED [the Evil Demon]
You can figure out the square root of 9372. Actually, Kenyon students can’t do that, but in theory!
Yeah, there’s an evil demon, but evil is good!
You cannot discuss philosophy in a bar.
Hypothetical conversation: “I lost my wallet.” “Well, how do you know material objects really exist?”
I’ll tell you, and if you laugh, I’ll give you an F.
Do you want the tater tots or… uh… the other greasy food?
He has some ants in his pants… what’s in his pants?
Tables make lousy friends.
Part of my definition of a table is it doesn’t chew on my fingers, it doesn’t vomit on my foot….
A little violence keeps the adrenaline flowing.
One year I assigned Sellars and had to avoid campus for two weeks… my life was in danger.
If you think about it, there’s no such thing as a fishstick!
Phoebe: “Philosophers are really twisted.”
Who has not read Borges? …. You will flunk the class.
It looks like a table, you walk around it, it’s an elephant.
I want to go around and slap all your faces, wake everyone up….
Kant foams at the mouth at this talk of possible worlds.
What you think of as avant garde is people stripping naked in the Wexner Center and painting circles on their bellies.
Let me put this in close terms that will hurt your feelings.
Hell, I don’t know what a quark is. I wouldn’t know one if I stepped on it!
The world crumbles every ten years.
You’d be a damn fool to give up a whole worldview based on a clam.
If you see Sam Mather [alumnus who had a building named after him] hovering around, you could reevaluate all of your beliefs. More likely, you say, “God damn! I shouldn’t have gone to that Peeps party last night.”
Joel: “You’re presenting first thing on Thursday.” Student: “You said ‘Tuesday.’” Joel: “Okay, I’m drunk.”
Rorty’s confused! For one thing, he has two R’s in his name.
If you find that incomprehensible, tough luck! Fuck off, guys!
The astrologists, who haven’t done shit in the last 2000 years….
After break, I have a lot more time. Consequently, you have a lot less time.
This class has a story line as dramatic as any Hollywood movie.
Do they disagree that cars don’t grow on trees? That earthworms don’t wear underwear?
[1 qt of gin + 1 qt of orange juice = less than 2 qt] Student: “I don’t understand that at all.” Joel: “You obviously don’t drink enough!”
Natural selection made a big boo-boo on this one.
I’m not a Kantian, but goddammit, that guy is the smartest guy… he’s just the smartest guy!
Student: “Why does he call it transcendental idealism when it’s not?” Joel: “He’s a German!”
Regarding Kant, Hegel, etc.: “No native English speaker knows what the fuck they’re talking about.”
It turns out that skiers in America have more words for snow than Eskimos.
Will: “Maybe there’s not that much difference between a vat of goo and what we consider a body.”
Kant is a closet verficationist.
When Becca was little, she was a total Davidsonian!
According to Quine, you are a dog.
I didn’t answer your question, but I don’t want to answer your question.
We will see this to the level that will make some of you puke.
Why did I tell you this story? The hell if I know.
Introspection is a lousy radon detector.
You want to learn another language? Go to Canada and learn Canadian English.
Colleges are filled with people who talk, so it’s not a random sample of the population.
Roosters don’t lay eggs. Just trust me.
If you’re in Costa Rica digging up worms and they’re all wearing underwear, your views on the world will be shaken.
Philosophers love furniture.
This is Hegel without the German mumbo-jumbo.
Common sense today does not make use of hexes.
He grew up in Alabama, so he has typical Alabama or whatever beliefs….
We are fortal beings—that’s a combination of “finite” and “mortal”—“fortal.”
Mathematicians come up with a lot of systems that have no value.
You have to think of scientists as mean, nasty people.
[People who didn’t have forks in the past] You just grab oatmeal and stuff it in your mouth, stuff it in your friend’s mouth… it’s like a frat dinner or something….
The middle of the campus just vanished! Like they were eaten by a dragon or something….
You’re allowed to move your queen forward a few spaces and take a pawn, but you’re not allowed to poke out the eye of your opponent.
Science can’t prove whether “Americans like Velveeta cheese” is true or not.
Wouldn’t bowling be more fun it if was like hockey?
Nobody has illusions that we are anything but slobs.
She’s from a foreign country, she gets intimidated easily, and I make use of that!
Bachelors are unmarried. Whoa… deep….
I refute you because what you’re saying is weird.
The history of philosophy is a history of philosophers spitting on scientists.
Mr. Meter, who created the meter stick… Skippy wrote the Ethics.
You can tell Kant wrote the Critique of Pure Reason late… the night before it was due….
We don’t think gold is the solidified urine of Zeus!
We have very different experiences about your mom!
Of course environment matters! If you stuck Shea in the middle of a black hole, he’d be a completely different creature!
Dachshunds have intestinal problems because there’s no gravity….
This is not for personal glory and money. This is not America.
I always believe in killing the messenger. That way I can kill the message.
When you try to give out practical wisdom, it sounds corny and goofy.
Cory, why do you believe in Tootsie Rolls and sticking them in your nose?
If Lark is holding a gun, that becomes the most relevant thing in the world.
If I balance my checkbook and it doesn’t balance, I don’t say, “Oh my God, my world is ending.”
I’m not an idiot, I know I’m not that smart!
In America, it’s arbitrary that we don’t spit in each other’s eyes!
He did it twice! The bastard….
Before Hitler, conquering countries was like, “Ooh, looks like a fun thing to do!”
Ooh, Heidegger in seven minutes!
If you read it often enough, your taste in music declines.
What is this course about? I don’t know exactly.
The reason that lepers lose their fingers is because they get them caught in the door, don’t feel it and keep walking.
