Professor Shutt:
Shutt’s Drug Test:
__ Never
__ Occasionally
__ Sometimes
__ Frequently
__ Constantly
__ What’s my name?
I read descriptions of orgasms and thought I understood. Then one day it happened and it was like, “Oh, that’s what that was about!”
It’s not “All roads lead to Reme” because Remus died—oh well…. [as opposed to Rome]
It’s weeniehood.
Lust. It’s the Beanie Baby of the sin world!
Lunch is nice, but love is better.
[about architectonics] Shutt: “C’mon, you should know this stuff—you’re seniors, you’re English majors, you eat this stuff for breakfast and go running four miles afterward!” Me: “Granola?”
English, huh? Rich boy’s major. Other people have to work for a living….
[Wrath] Man, this sucks! Everything sucks!
We were pissed off then, we’re pissed off now, and we’re gonna stay pissed off forever!
One of the indoor sports in Ohio is losing lights.
You wanna know how to blow out Knox County, now you know—squirrels.
Shannon: “It’s ridiculous. Everyone needs to be sodomized.”
They’re in a deserty place where it’s snowing fire.
Call right now! 1-800-S-U-C-K-E-R!
One guy gets bitten by a snake and, instead of melting, he swells and swells and swells and swells and swells and swells and swells and swells until (pops his cheek with his finger) he blows up.
[Thief lifted up his hands with both the figs] That meant, “Pull off and try to kill them.” It’s like walking into a bar and flicking everyone off.
Ulysses puts out a bunch of pretty dresses and a bunch of swords. When some 6 foot 8 girl gets real interested in the swords, it’s like, “C’mon, Achilles, the game’s up, let’s go.”
Sicko. Sicko city.
At this time on Monday, you will be in a state of adrenaline ecstasy. Nothing like an adrenaline cocktail—people should have one every week.
[about Katie Varda] It is her goal to be as much like the people in South Park as possible—I encourage her in this goal.
University of Chicago—The Place Fun Goes to Die
Shannon: “I want him to want it!”
And by God, if our slaves did anything, we killed ‘em, ‘cause we didn’t put up with much! Goddammit!
This is like Purgatory prep school.
I tell ya, the electricity around here has so many challenges. In violent thunderstorms like this.…
I have known a few Belacqua-oid [lazy, sarcastic, slow-moving] people myself….
The name “Montefeltro” should ring a bell. Ding.
They talk slowly… and move slowly… with an air… of regality… to let you know… that you’re dealing… with a person… of substance. … I don’t.
Greatness came, greatness said “Hello” to you, and you airballed it.
Let’s go out there and sin mightily in front of everybody!
The sinniest sin is envy.
Nobody says, “I’m envious as hell.”
Watching the happy couples on Saturday night and thinking, “Boy, this sucks…”
Do you want to join the Whiny Losers Club?
It’s like a theme park here, like Disney World.
Smell goes straight to the limbic system and you become a turtle again.
We’re the Thin, Deprived Little Life Club? Maybe we should apply for Fun Funds…
This is a very goofy story in many ways.
They look like 19th Century French drawings for a very good reason… they’re 19th Century French.
If I kill you, the stars didn’t make me do it.
Grinding up children and feeding them to their parents is a theme the Greeks returned to obsessively.
“I don’t know”—a very good answer. Right up there with “What?”
His number one complaint about… holy crud….
So he finally broke them, killed them, took their money and got rid of his debt. Nice work.
I’m not all that crazy about linearity, but be that as it may.
Maybe people stronger-willed than I can fundamentally change themselves by gritting their teeth and whacking themselves, I don’t know….
I am not sepulchral thin, I don’t believe.
Muskingum, Ohio? The center of the universe?!
If you ever see anyone eating acorns, you’ll know you’ve returned to the Golden Age.
Guys invite girls to take a walk in the moonlight and they might even contemplate the stars for a while. The moment that other thing happened, the contemplation was gone! I know they can happen sequentially, but not at the same time.
It happens in Canto 30. I know, you would think it would be Canto 27, but this is three times three times three plus three. Whoa, too intense!
I think an orange exam [color of the paper] would be pretty doggone festive.
[Jacob married Leah instead of Rachel] They must have worn a veil back then, because you’d think this would be the kind of thing you’d notice on your wedding night.
Christ is the horsie that draws Beatrice, for crying out loud!
Dante wants his training wheels!
Has there ever been a serious cartoon? Dumbo, of course, but….
She smiles at him and it’s amazing and he can hardly deal with it.
Us as human beings are more perfect reflections than, say, this piece of chalk.
Do you know how cool that game was? Think about the coolest thing you can remember. Now double that! Now double that! Now double that and it’s about 1/100th of how cool that game was!
Shutt: “Can you smell the difference between Starbucks coffee and the coffee you get at ARA?” Class: “Yeah.”
If all the refrigerators are in the boxcar, it’s their job to get them out and they owed me an A.
Come into me, Apollo, and have poetic intercourse with me.
Fish drink from this spring and get real frisky.
You never know what’s gonna happen when you look at stuff on the floor.
I wish there was some detector that would buzz like a smoke alarm: “Errrrrr! Your thoughts are visible [on your face]!”
Have you ever felt a pearl? It’s like it’s lubricated three layers below the surface. It’s so smooth. It’s super smooth. It’s a smoothness beyond smoothness.
“The Magic 8-Ball will consent to answer questions after the presentation.”
We can test their veracity by asking the same question and turning them over at the same time, see if they get the same answer, except if they did, it would be too scary.
This is love with a capital LOVE.
Is it possible to use “segue” without sounding at least a little bit pretentious?
[How to pronounce Sartre] That’s why you never want to take an existentialism class here, because you’ll face this question 4000 times in one semester.
Are we Craig or are we un-Craig? We’re un-Craig….
The fact that I got a 78, in the cosmic scheme of things, doesn’t mean squat.
I sometimes wonder if John Donne was unironic about anything except sexuality in his life.
If I was glib, I would say it and I am glib, so I will say it, but I’m aware of my glibness.
His desire for physical unpleasantness was satisfied through medical means.
If you bought shares in St. Francis in 1210, you could have retired in 1216 with a thousand dollar investment and bought a small villa in the south of France at the time of his death.
Clocks are just the latest intellectual coolness in Dante’s time.
You may be watching Keith Ulberman and the joke will be on him as his broadcast gets knocked out.
Are you being beaten with work?
I never enjoyed spending my whole vacation working… but I always did!
If you’re here, you get infinite coolness points. If you’re auditing and you’re here, you exponentialize your infinite coolness points.
The room is so full of coolness points, you can hardly see….
[Shutt offered piggyback rides around Philo for everyone who turned their paper in today] Here’s a man who knows how to ride! He must be on the equestrian team.
That’s the best thing about asking questions—you get answers. Sometimes they vary in quality….
They say you can’t fake an eye smile. You can fake anything. It just takes a little practice. Pretty alarming statement, huh? Makes you think about things a little differently.
Gerald as Beatrice—this is the role you were born to play!
It’s like not treating the Muses nice, only worse.
I’m trying to find something. It’s in my notes, but since I haven’t been following my notes, you’ll just have to watch me in boredom and disgust.
Have we finally got to the end and lost our marbles?
I was misled—you’re giving off deceptive vibes.
All I want is a beer, a woman, and a truck and I’m happy.
I gotta tell ya, the Celts were really into heads. I mean big time into heads.
E-mail is the Fields of Odin.
Gotcha now! Did you like that meatloaf? Guess what it was? That was Charlie!
