Professor Klein:
I’m not an English professor—I’m something of a wild man.
I took the Orient Express from Venice to Paris with an intimate friend. Lemme tell ya, you don’t do that without having sex!
They’d wake up, feel better after a while, beat the shit out of somebody, drink lots of beer and go to bed!
Old professors don’t die, they just lose their paper clips.
Holy criminetly! That must have been a stinger!
I really think… I’m handicapped.
Don’t go into this profession—you say stupid, stupid things!
Hey, let’s make it sexual, too!
Oh Gawain, you just have to let it go, baby!
I may have been blessed, but I got the shit kicked outta me….
Ah, my little disciples, come gather around me….
Hey, it’s Easter! Let’s get drunk!
I don’t think it has ever happened that everyone has read the same thing by the same time!
One thing about “might makes right”: the losers never complain.
[about Fred the Bull] Well, there’d be nothing artificial about that insemination!
Is she cooking in a stew? Is it maiden stew?
“This is a terrible thing.” “Oh good, let’s see who I can fight.”
If Henry James saw his books being made into movies, he would shit like he was being executed!
[about male chauvinistic scholars of the academics] And it’s a good thing that those old goats were hauled out into the street and shot!
[College] was $350 a quarter. Heck, you could pay for that with your cigarette money.
If anybody came and blew up my house, I’d just feel sorry for the son of a bitch! ‘Cause I’d be after him!
I think this book reeks with his self-satisfaction!
You never do that with your mistress… I know better than that.
Ah shit, he’s ideal!
I think you might have hit the nail on the fingernail on this one….
Just because you were born in Ohio doesn’t mean you have to die that way!
The woods out there used to be full of grizzlies, now it’s full of loonies.
My dog’s idea of fun is sitting down in a puddle with ice in it.
I just bit my tongue. If I fall over and bleed to death, just leave and call the police or something.
I’ve always been kind of a palzy-walzy sort of professor. [“pal”zy, not “palsy”]
Anybody who needs a scholarship to buy a book for this class can talk to me.
