Where are the giraffe profile pics on Facebook?

I remember a riddle like this a while back, but someone cleverly “fixed” it. Except not. So if you want to take down that potentially embarrassing picture of yourself on Facebook, give me a couple minutes. Let’s begin with the riddle:


I failed in guessing the riddle. So now I’ve promised to post this picture of myself, chosen by the person who failed the riddle before me.

Your turn: Read the riddle. If the answer is incorrect, I can choose any of your photos and you have to post it along with the riddle. If you answer correctly, I write your name in the comments (with a trophy emoji, duh).

Riddle: It’s 7:00 am. You are asleep and there is a sudden knock on the door. Behind the door are your parents, who came to have breakfast. In your fridge: bread, milk (pasteurized!), juice, and a jar of jam. To answer, what will you open first? Only answer directly to me thru messenger. Thanks!


There you go! Time to guess the wrong answer, suckers!

In the previous version of the riddle, the answer was supposed to be “open your eyes first.” This time, it’s “open Messenger first.” Because it says you have send the answer to me thru Messenger, get it? And that explanation has led to a lot of pictures getting posted on people’s Facebook feeds that really shouldn’t have been on Facebook in the first place.

It’s a pretty simple question when you think about it. “To answer, what will you open first?” But that raises another question: What are you answering?

Sure, you might be reading this on Facebook and immediately answering the riddle, setting yourself up for a miserable trip down Memory Lane when the person picks your worst photo possible. But in the scenario introduced by the riddle, what are you answering? Hopefully, you wouldn’t leave your parents standing outside forever. They should have taught you some manners, answer the door and let them in! Unless they’re vampires, in which case you have bigger things to worry about than riddles.

If you’re answering the riddle, you’d open Messenger first (unless you’re terrible at following instructions). If you’re thinking about the riddle’s scenario—if you’re answering the door—then the first thing you’d open is your eyes.

So pick your favorite option, then remove your non-favorite picture from your feed, delete it from Facebook, burn it, BURN IT!!! … Or just take it down gently and save that aggressive energy for the next time you have vampires knocking on your door.

You think you’re so special?

That thought (among others) has been rolling around in my head since I got the email from WordPress.com about Facebook not allowing Publicize to automatically share blog entries on my profile anymore. That, plus a handful of videos on YouTube talking about the effects that social media can have on the brain. So it’s really been a question of why I want to put my writing on Facebook at all.

I mean, I posted a picture of Teresa’s engagement ring in part to show everyone we were engaged. But I also kept going back to Facebook to look at the picture and see how the number of likes and loves and all of the other reactions continued to climb. So Teresa and I were engaged and I felt… important? Popular? Special?

But when it comes to blog entries, that part isn’t really there. It’s not like I’m publishing a book or achieving some other impressive goal. This is just me writing and the only “like” I need is mine.

Of course, I could look at an even broader picture and ask why I’m publishing anything online in the first place. I can get my own approval if I’m writing something by hand or typing it on my laptop and never sharing it. So why? Do I crave acceptance that badly? Do I need people’s attention and approval that much? What makes me so special?

I guess part of it is that, yes, I do enjoy a bit of the spotlight. I like to see people’s reactions when I create something. It’s the same reason why I enjoy community theater: I get to enjoy being part of the cast of a show, make something come alive on stage that was originally just words on paper and I get to entertain people. I get to hear them laugh and gasp and applaud. And that happens because of me.

If you’re reading this, I doubt you’re having any of those three reactions. (If you’re applauding, you may have some explaining to do to the other people in the library…) But maybe you’re interested. Maybe you’re smiling. Maybe… just maybe… you’re entertained. And I guess that’s the other part of it.

It’s not just “I’m so special.” It’s “Everyone who’s reading this is so special—All three of them!—and I’d like to make their day a little brighter. A little greater. A little more special.” I could easily hoard all of my writing to myself, keep it tucked away so no one else could ever read it. Finish a story, essay, journal entry, blog post, look over it once or twice more for mistakes or typos, then throw it into the fire where no human eyes will ever see it again. Or just delete it if I wrote it on my laptop—throwing my laptop into the fire seems a bit extreme.

So I’m doing this for you, faithful readers! Because you’re so special! … Okay, it’s partly for me, too, but mostly for you, amirite? No? Drat…


When this popped into my head yesterday, I was thinking about writing gratitudes on Facebook instead of just my blog. I mean, Facebook is where it all started. There was a “gratitude challenge” going around where you were supposed to write down three things that made you feel grateful for five days. Oh, and you were supposed to tag three of your friends each day to get them to be more grateful, too. I was… someone’s second day, I think, so it’s nice to know I wasn’t an afterthought.

And so I did the challenge. Half of the challenge. I wrote three gratitudes a day, but never tagged anyone. I guess it was partly because I didn’t want to be a nuisance and partly because I didn’t want anyone to be an afterthought. Or forget someone altogether. That’d be an embarrassment, not a gratitude.

Then after those first five days… I kept going. For a month. 33 days with just one on the last day. 100 gratitudes. (Technically, I think it was only 99: I was grateful for pizza two days in a row. Because pizza.) And it felt good. I felt grateful, maybe other people felt grateful… the Facebook status messages were getting some likes, so I guess some people were entertained, too.

So that was part of the drive that kept me going for so long the last time and thus part of the reason I’m copying and pasting gratitudes from my blog to Facebook now: other people. It wasn’t just “Hey, I’m keeping them entertained!” It was also “Hey, they’re expecting another one today!” They provided a sense of accountability. Even if I felt a little tired or the clock was approaching midnight, I couldn’t just miss a day… the gratitudes were primarily for me, but knowing that other people were reading them was a reason to keep going. And feeling even more grateful about my life and the blessings I’ve been given. And pizza. Because pizza.

Twin Cities Scout Shops on Facebook

About a month ago, the territory manager for the Scout shops was having a phone conference with the store managers and revealed that she wanted a Facebook page. There are a couple locations around the Twin Cities area, so instead of separate pages for “Burnsville Scout Shop” (where I work), “St. Paul Scout Shop”, etc., we should have an all-encompassing one.

Enter me, our local social media guru. It’s totally not true, but I helped someone else make a “Dear Wayward Student” Facebook page a while back, so I had some idea of what I was doing. I also had some fun making the first page, finding images to use for the profile pic and cover photo and what not, so why not volunteer my services?

I did a little research the next night, sent Sally (my manager) an email about what I found, which she passed along to Marlene, the territory manager. When I got the green light, it was time to go to work.

The biggest decision I had to make was the web address. “Twincitiesscoutshops” takes a long time to type and it just looks awkward, so I decided to use https://www.facebook.com/tcscoutshops instead. That still makes sense for “Twin Cities Scout Shops”, right? (If it doesn’t, it’s kind of a moot point since the page has been online for a couple weeks now.)

I gathered some pictures to use, wrote the description (I thought up the short one; the long version is mostly just hours and addresses for each location)… I did everything but activate the page because I wanted Marlene to do it. She’s ultimately responsible for what we do, so it was her last chance to pull the plug. A couple hours later, we were live.

And that’s where things have become a little more frustrating. Like I said, I’m our territory’s “social media guru”. (My nose grows a little longer every time I type that…) I want the page to do well. It’s my baby. My plan was to make Marlene and all of the store managers administrators of the page. They’d be able to post as “Twin Cities Scout Shops” versus their personal accounts and they could provide content from each of their stores. For example, the first non-profile, non-cover photo on the page is a selfie of the Burnsville Scout Shop staff and I thought we could get three more pictures just like that one.

The only requirement? Being friends with me on Facebook. That’s why Sally and Marlene became my Facebook friends. I can’t make someone an admin of the page if we’re not connected. Simple, right? Right?!

Apparently not. Well, either it’s not that simple or the other store managers don’t give a shit about the page because I haven’t received friend requests from any of them yet. I’ve tried to contact them on Facebook, but nothing. At the time I’m writing this, Sally, Marlene and I are the only ones who have administrative access to the page.

Jump ahead a few weeks to another phone conference. Marlene wanted each store manager to come up with an idea of how to increase sales for April and someone piped up that we should utilize the Facebook page. Not Sally; someone else. Did I mention that Sally, Marlene and I are the only ones who have administrative access to the page? We’re the only ones who can use the page. At all. And someone else had the balls to suggest using it more effectively.

Aside from that affront, though, that’s what Sally and I have been doing. A majority of it has been my own work—comes with the territory of being a social media guru (I better not write that too many more times or my glasses might slide off my face)—but Sally has been providing me with content. Without the pictures and emails she sends, I wouldn’t have much to post, so I don’t want to discount her help.

That’s what I’ve been working on the last couple weeks during while there haven’t been customers in the shop: “Like us on Facebook!” I made a sheet to put next to the register with a QR code that links to the Facebook page, a couple smaller flyers we can use when setting up a trading post off-site… I’m having fun doing research, posting useful/relevant/amusing content, it keeps me productive… I’m enjoying it.

Meanwhile, the page likes have slowly been creeping upward. I think it’s at 60 now, which means more people know about it, but there’s a distinct possibility that not all of the other store managers are among that number. Which also means there’s a distinct possibility that the person who said “utilize the Facebook page” has not engaged with it at all. Yeah, I probably sound a little bitter, but it’s my baby.

Maybe it’s because I’m not an actual parent, but I haven’t shown off any “baby pictures” to all of my Facebook friends yet. Hell, I don’t think I’ve advertised it at all, which probably makes me a bit of a hypocrite. People have to know the Facebook page exists if I want them to click the “Like” button. Thusly and therefore, here’s that link to the Twin Cities Scout Shops page again. Like and Share and come visit the shops in person! Who knows, maybe you’ll see me sitting in front of the computer working on yet another flyer.

It’s… it’s not loading! We’re all gonna die!

My sleeping patterns have been sporadic as of late—it’s probably a carry-over from studying for my Econ final at random hours of the day and night over the course of three or four days—which would explain why I’ve been awake since 5:30 this morning instead of sleeping past noon. Because of that fact, I’ve learned a very horrifying truth:

FACEBOOK IS DOWN!!! FACEBOOK IS DOWN!!!

I need to look at my friends’ recent status updates and pictures of cute kitties! If Facebook can go offline, it’s just a matter of time! It’s all over, man! We’re all gonna die!

Do not taunt The Social Network

An old SNL sketch (Happy Fun Ball) popped into my head when I started writing this. Watch it and you’ll understand the title.

I watched The Social Network last night because my Accounting professor recommended it during a discussion about common stock. It was a good and somewhat creepy movie. At the end, the guy playing Mark Zuckerberg proclaims, “I’m not the bad guy.” I’m not entirely convinced, in part because he’s the leader of the evil empire commonly known as Facebook.

So as I was having this internal debate about whether Mark Zuckerberg is a major asshole, I decided to log onto the admin page here and look at some stuff. It wouldn’t load. Why not? I hadn’t written anything about his shitty behavior in the movie yet, but he decided to hack the network and preemptively shut down my blog anyway. What an asshole.