Which, roughly translated, means “not at all.” I made a comment on December 2nd about how it’s been a long last couple days and I do plan on writing about them, just not tonight. Today felt pretty long as well and I have no idea how long the story will take to write, so I’m going to put it to the side for now and try to fill in the details tomorrow. Or the next day. Sometime over the weekend. I’ll get it done, promise.
When thinking about the upcoming entry, I remembered a paper I wrote for my Leadership course in the Augsburg MBA program. It’s called “Reflection paper, Part II”, which I felt was quite clever and original. But I read through it again and decided to pull out a couple paragraphs for people that resonate more for me now than they did while taking the class.
“I feel comfortable working with other people, but when it comes to showing confusion or vulnerability, I try to glaze over the subject or ignore it altogether. In my mind, it’s so I don’t upset other people, but according to Cashman, it’s a weakness in self-leadership. Leadership from the Inside Out and I’m stuck in the basement.
“I was thinking about a story earlier for some reason and it didn’t strike me as being relevant to this paper until I started writing it. (If it was in the reading material, I couldn’t find it.) There was a person who had some incurable disease and was slowly dying, but didn’t want to bother anyone by talking about it. Most people didn’t know there was a problem until she died and some of them were furious with her afterward. Why? Because she wasn’t willing to share. They were her friends, but she refused to let them act as friends because of her personal discomfort with talking about her illness.”
To assuage people’s potential concerns, there are no incurable diseases involved here, but there is that sense of not wanting to bother people. I know that opening up should enable closer relationships, but there’s still a tiny little voice in my head that interprets “opening up” as “asking for pity.”
Anyway! Like I said, I’ve had some long days recently and I’m tired. It’s just past 8:00pm and I’m tired. For someone who occasionally stays awake until the sun comes up in the morning, that’s pretty sad. And so now I’m thinking it’s about time to change into my jammies, curl up under the covers and pity myself to sleep.
