Tag: reality TV

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An odd choice of footage from MasterChef

“It’s boarding school pudding at best” followed by a thumbs-down and a raspberry.

“Wow.”
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That brief exchange between Marie Porter and Joe “Weaselly Little Shit” Bastianich was the full extent of her fifteen minutes of reality TV fame (unless she still hasn’t learned her lesson). And no, she hasn’t abandoned the nickname “Joey Coattails”, but as you’ll note in the video below, she prefers calling Joe a “weaselly little shit” now:

Seriously, though, I’m really confused as to why the producers decided to include that clip in the episode. Yes, it was Joe acting like a douche, but it just doesn’t seem to fit the character “Joe” who normally appears on the screen (at least according to my very limited viewing experience). If I’m misreading something here, please point it out because I’m just confused.

Joe’s rejection: They didn’t show him giving the death stare or sneering or spitting Marie’s mango mojito upside-down cake (instructions in the video) into the sink. It was just “It’s boarding school pudding at best,” then thumbs-down with the raspberry. Given that Joe is a judge on MasterChef, I assume the producers want him to look like a sophisticated restaurateur and winery owner… do sophisticated people normally show their disapproval by giving food the raspberry?

“Raspberry? I hate raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry… and he’s a weaselly little shit!” (My apologies to Mel Brooks for writing that.)

Marie’s response: “Wow.” I could see that interpreted in two ways, the first of which is “I can’t believe he doesn’t like my cooking.” The second (and much more likely in my mind) is “I can’t believe such a pompous, overbearing person would make such a childish, immature gesture.”

Hence, my confusion. It doesn’t seem like that five seconds of footage fits within what I’ve seen of Joe’s normal behavior on that show. “Boarding school pudding at best”? Exceptionally douchey. I can imagine him saying that to his mother (especially since she’s the one who put him through boarding school).

But the raspberry? Who does that? Little kids, that’s who. Joe acted like a little kid. Did the producers think putting that one insult on TV was worth damaging his supposedly intimidating bad-ass reputation? Or maybe people in the editing booth decided to commit an act of sabotage because they think Joe is a weaselly little shit, too.

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Joey Coattails is [cut, paste] a great guy!

The first episode of MasterChef 4 is coming up in less than 24 hours and I’m a little concerned on Marie’s behalf. Not that they’ll show her doing anything uncouth—if they show something on the screen, well, she did it intentionally. No, I’m a little concerned about the editing process.

I’ve told people plenty of times in person, but I’m not sure if I’ve written about it on here or not: on a reality show (at least in my case), they can pull you off to the side and ask you questions for over an hour, then maybe use a three-second sound clip that the producers really like. Sometimes it can be longer than three seconds; sometimes they’ll use multiple sound clips; sometimes they shuffle the order around to create more drama and suspense.

And that’s why I’m worried. If Marie complimented or expressed admiration toward either of the chefs, the producers might put that next to a sentence using Joe’s name to make it sound like she thinks he’s awesome. If that happens… she’s got a lot of knives in her kitchen and I imagine she can learn to cut and paste body parts pretty easily.

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Next on FOX: Two Chefs and a Douche

I’m afraid to report that another of my friends who had avoided reality TV up to this point has come over to the Dark Side. First me, then Stephanie Link, now Marie Porter. Why won’t these people learn from my example?!

I guess in Marie’s case, it’s a little more understandable. The show wasn’t just “live in a house and try to win a bajillion dollars.” She auditioned for MasterChef. I’ve had limited exposure to fine cuisine—I’m quite fond of mac ‘n’ cheese out of the box—but she’s probably the most masterful chef I’ve ever known, so it seemed like a reasonable decision.

Part of her motivation was to win the money, but another (probably larger) part was the exposure. She’s already written several cookbooks and the results of her recipes that I’ve tasted have been ultra-yummy. Unfortunately, the market is extremely saturated. There are sooooooo many cookbooks on the shelves that it’s almost impossible to know which ones are good: “Norwegian Tailgate Grilling… Nigerian Bagels… 501 Ways to Cook Goat Testicles!”

Marie is fairly well established on a local level, but without a wide-scale “fan base”, her books still get smothered among all of the sucky ones. Competing on MasterChef and showing a national audience what she’s capable of doing… BAM! Huge fan base! Now people everywhere know her name and can seek her out.

Marie has heard stories about what goes on behind the camera dozens of times. Talking to Stephanie and me, she already knew that “reality TV” isn’t reality: it’s what the audience sees according to editing and producers’ decisions. Still, it was the proverbial “opportunity of a lifetime.” She’s probably satisfied with just the one opportunity. Continue reading “Next on FOX: Two Chefs and a Douche”

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You think The Glass House is really that bad?

People all over the Internet are ranting about this show, saying it’s the worst reality TV show that’s ever been produced. I would beg to differ, but I don’t need to beg on this point. They’re wrong and I’ll tell you why.

I’d like to introduce Exhibit A, which was on the air for exactly one episode: “Who’s Your Daddy?” The only reason I know about its existence is because one of the guys working on Beauty and the Geek had just finished working on that show. He thought it was kind of sweet and touching, but that’s what happens when you work behind the scenes. So what ended up on the screen?

I may be off a little on the specifics—it’s only been over seven years since I heard about it—but the premise was that some girl who’d been adopted as a child was put in a mansion with a bunch of older guys. During the course of the show, she had to figure out which of them was her biological father. Seriously. That was the premise.

The reason I think it was on TV for an episode is because I remember coming home from the mansion and learning the title of our show was “Beauty and the Geek” (it was “Working Title” until they put us in seclusion). That play on words plus the fact that “Who’s Your Daddy?” did so poorly… I figured we’d probably get canned after one episode, too. Thankfully, I was wrong, but that’s beside the point.

My point is that The Glass House is not the worst reality TV show that’s ever been produced. Just because it’s the worst you’ve seen doesn’t make it the worst altogether. If you don’t believe me, here’s Exhibit B: a blog entry about a movie called “Wildfire: The Arabian Heart”. Most of you haven’t heard of it before, right? It’s actually the second review that I wrote about it and has links to websites like Blockbuster and IMDB.com, where plenty of other people talk about how it’s the worst movie that’s ever been produced. Go ahead, read through the comments a little and I’ll let you decide whether it sounds better or worse than Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. And with that, I rest my case.

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Gloves are off! Bring on The Glass House!

ABC developed a new reality show called The Glass House that’s coming to a TV near you! Well, yours or a neighbor’s… unless you watch your favorite shows online, in which case it’ll be on your monitor… then again, you might not own a TV, computer and don’t live near anyone… how the hell are you reading this?!

The show actually led to a lawsuit from CBS because they claim GH resembles its long-running reality show, Big Brother, just a liiiiittle too much. It doesn’t seem like the lawsuit will prevent it from airing, so websites about the show have been springing up all across the Interwebs.

One of those sites, teamsteph.net, was created by some of my friends in Mensa because Steph is a member as well. (They decided to jump into the pool of social media hip-deep by creating a Facebook page and a Twitter account, too.) Personally, I’ve met Steph before, but don’t know her very well. However, she’s a close friend of some close friends, so I was happy to join the group and offer support and/or reality show-based insights.

Apparently, at least one person took objection to their preparation before the show hit the airwaves. Major objection. The blogger behind “Fat Grandma’s Glass House” went on a tear about how the creation of Team Steph was sabotaging her chances to win already. I’d include a link to that site, but 1) I can put a picture of the blog post on here instead, and 2) I don’t want to drive web traffic toward a person who probably hates my guts.

Note that this is an audience-driven reality show where people get to vote online about a bunch of stuff that will affect what happens in the Glass House. What really drove “Fat Grandma” around the bend was Team Steph posting suggestions about how people should vote, choices that they thought would benefit her on the show. That’s the summary—I’ll let you read the entire rant on your own.

Anyway, when I found out about said rant, I decided to go to the website and add my own two cents, which promptly became four cents, then eight… probably a full quarter by the time she said she was done responding to me. Yeah, it was kind of an extensive exchange.

So the reason for this blog entry isn’t bragging rights. It could be, but it isn’t. See, I’ve been known to adopt the role of “Douchey McDouchebaggerson” in the past and I’m wondering if I was making legitimate points or if it just sounds like I was being a dick. I think I’m right, but all of you would look at things a little more objectively than me under the circumstances. Thusly and therefore, if you’re in the mood to do some more reading, head over to the next page and see what you think. (The picture is a full-sized webpage, so you can click on it to zoom in… you know, in case you want to be able to actually read it.) Continue reading “Gloves are off! Bring on The Glass House!”