Tag: Science Museum of Minnesota

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Hairy Scandinavians

I went to the Science Museum today for my little brother’s birthday because he wanted to see a movie about Vikings in the I-Max Theater. After watching that, we wandered around to look at various exhibits and I ended up visiting the gift shop for a while. They always have neat stuff to buy there: books, t-shirts, posters, jewelry… and action figures. They had action figures (I assume for the kids) which would either help stimulate their intellect or give them yet another target for G.I. Joe and his semi-automatic “Blow Your Scientific Ass Off” rifle. But what really surprised me were the figures they chose.

Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin weren’t a big deal. Leonardo da Vinci and Sigmund Freud seemed a little out of place in the museum, given its exhibits regarding dinosaurs, weather, etc. And then there was Bigfoot. BIGFOOT! In the Science Museum! Who the hell decided that would be a good idea?! “Even though its existence is based entirely on rumor, myth and fuzzy black-and-white videos, let’s pretend that it’s a scientific fact!” We lie enough as it is in the political sphere–why bastardize the natural sciences, too? On the other hand, if Bigfoot had been carrying a Norwegian flag, wielding a sword and wearing a helmet with horns on it… maybe that’s why the last five minutes of the movie were so fuzzy.

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Mood Lighting

You may have seen it happen before. You’re at a restaurant. You’re chillin’ with your friends, talking, having dessert, seeing who can drink the most glasses of strawberry lemonade without running to use to the bathroom… just chillin’. Suddenly, the lights get dim. They were bright, then not so bright. It’s either really romantic or really annoying because you can’t see the check properly and end up giving the waitress a 120% tip.

Well, I’ve come up with a possible reason for that which might be surprising (and it’s not because the restaurant thinks its employees could use the extra cash). It’s a step beyond romantic—it’s like putting shots of Jagermeister in your lemonade. And you thought you needed to use the bathroom before…

The first clue was when I visited the Science Museum of Minnesota a couple years back. They have one area that focuses on the human body: “Here’s what germs look like!” “Here are different body types!” “Here are slices of an entire human body that were cut away in a tragic cooking accident!” And then there were two pictures of a single woman’s portrait.

There was a question on the wall: “Which of these women looks more attractive?” I looked back and forth for a minute—they seemed identical—but I ended up choosing the one on the left. It turns out that most people make the same decision because in that picture, her pupils are larger. That’s it. That was the only difference. Bigger black spots in the middle of her irises. And that made her appear more attractive.

[As a side note, back when we were filming Beauty and the Geek, the interviewer asked me what I thought was my partner Scarlet’s best feature. I said, “Her pupils.” I gave them the story about what I saw in the Science Museum, but if you break it down, I just really liked her eyes. That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy looking at other parts of her—Scarlet’s a very attractive girl—but I said it was her pupils. When the DVDs for the show come out, I’ll bet you a nickel you won’t see that discussion anywhere in the extra features.]

But like I was saying, bigger pupils make a person look slightly more attractive. Consequently, if you really want to hook up with someone, you can improve your odds by meeting someone right after going to the eye doctor and getting your pupils dilated. Then recently, I thought about how getting drunk can make people appear better-looking as well. (Thankfully, I don’t drink, so the only way your looks are gonna improve dramatically is if you turn the lights off, in which case I won’t be able to see you and it’ll be a moot point.) So here’s my theory:

If big pupils and drinking alcohol can make people seem more attractive, then mood lighting is the first cousin, twice removed of beer goggles.

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Celebrate good times, come on!

I’d like to wish Porter and Marie a Happy Zero-th Anniversary and Casie a [CENSORED]th birthday!

Michael “Porter” Porter and Marie Johnston got married yesterday, which was one of the coolest weddings I’ve ever been to (and not just because I got to guard the guest book…). Why, you might ask? Well, if you did just ask, I didn’t hear you, but I’ll provide a Top 10 list of answers regardless:

1) It was held at the Science Museum of Minnesota, though we didn’t take pictures next to the dinosaur skeletons or the Bodyworks exhibit. For those who have never heard of Bodyworks, it’s an exhibit where dead people have had plastic stuff injected into their circulatory system or muscles or other aspects of the body, then everything else got removed. It might look like a sculpture of a bunch of arteries and veins, but there used to be flesh and bone surrounding them. (If I’m not doing the exhibit justice, well, that’s because we didn’t get to take wedding photos in there.)

2) We all had designated seats for dinner and each table was identified by a certain element. For example, there was tungsten, platinum and silicon (which some people kept calling “silicone”, thus providing a little insight into America’s obsession with boobs).

3) My designated seat at the tungsten table was between two hot chicks! Hell, yeah…

4) It was an M & M wedding. That’s not meant to refer to their first names both starting with M, though it’s an interesting coincidence. Maybe that’s why they fell in love, I dunno… But the “M & M” signifies a marriage between two members of Mensa, which helps explain the Science Museum, the elemental tables, etc.

5) Even though it was an M & M wedding, all of the places at the dining tables had a box of Nerds candy with a “thank you” note on the back and the little characters on the front wearing tuxes and wedding gowns.

6) The ceremony was performed by St. Toby, a local member of Mensa.

7) St. Toby concluded the ceremony with something to the effect of “By the power vested in me by the Flying Spaghetti Monster…” The result was a lot of laughter from people in the know and probably a lot of confused look on all the other faces. For those who have never heard of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, you can find more information on Wikipedia. The Kansas State Board of Education’s requirement for schools to teach intelligent design creationism along with evolution—it happened in 2005, swear to FSM—so someone developed a religion in protest that… well, you’ll have to read about it.

8 ) Dinner was very yummy. Very, very yummy.

9) The reception was entirely dance music, some of which included Young M.C., Vanilla Ice, M.C. Hammer… three cheers for the early 90s! (I wish that there were a few slow dances in there—I would have liked to dance with pretty much everyone except for Porter, ’cause he refuses to let me lead…) And yes, that means I did dance, but #10 provided a little extra incentive:

10) The DJ gave everyone glow sticks to dance with, so there are going to be plenty of good pictures with those things spinning around on the dance floor.

So after having such a good time, I’m wishing the best for Porter and Marie for many, many, many, many years and maybe a couple more for good measure.

As for Casie (pronounced KAY-see) Perry, it was her [CENSORED]th birthday! Way to get older!

We were supposed to have met at the museum to wander around for an hour or two, go see the Bodyworks exhibit before the ceremony started, but she was held hostage by her friends during a birthday brunch. Bastards… (I had to learn about stem cell research and nanotechnology without anyone to keep me company!) Plus my sunglasses fell out of my pocket, so I’ll have to head to the optometrist to get another pair of those. But someone recognized me from Beauty and the Geek, so the afternoon was up and down.

Overall, yesterday was a day of celebration and I hope it’ll be worthy of a big ol’ party from here on out. (Mental note to self: August 27th is now an anniversary, a birthday and a good day to reminisce about how cool glow sticks are…)