John Milton, the poet best known for writing Paradise Lost came up with that line in his poem Lycidas. (Three cheers for a liberal arts education!) And it’s true, too—there were shipwrecks throughout the episode.
SHIPWRECK: “She needs to step up her game and suck it up and be friends with us or she’s out.” Everyone clear the room, Kristina’s ego is… THAR SHE BLOWS!
The results of the geeks’ makeovers will play a huge role in the upcoming challenge? How? They had no say in what happened to their hair (both head and body), the producers gave them the clothes they wore during their soap opera scenes… seriously, the guys could have come through the “makeover curtain” wearing baby clothes and sucking on a pacifier and it wouldn’t have affected the challenge at all! Huge role, my ass…
Greggy, the purpose of the show isn’t to become a piece of meat—it’s to teach you how to get pieces of meat to throw themselves at your feet.
SHIPWRECK: “Just like they have this and want me to pick it? These, they want you to pick. These are your temptations. These little booby-traps planted along these whole freaking store.” They’re like little depth charges. Get too close and BOOM! Everything within fifty yards of you, including the store (a.k.a., the mansion patio), goes up in flames!
Did anyone see the clothes the geeks picked out anywhere on the racks while they were shopping?
Okay, Joe, have a seat for a minute. We need to talk. This is Beauty and the Geek. There has been a makeover session every season. You should have expected something like this. Sure, your usual clothes may be appropriate to your personal locale—a cowboy hat and boots fit right in when you enter a country bar—but this is filmed in Los Angeles. They don’t do country. Well, except for that shirt Chris was wearing the day of the challenge, but that’s beside the point! What they do is make people like us wear clothes we’d avoid looking at in the high-end stores lest their appearance burn holes in our retinas. It’s something you gotta suck up and deal with, buddy.
The clothes are a costume. Just like Tommy said, all the producers did was play with your hair and make you wear a new outfit. No plastic surgery, no mind-altering substances… it’s just a look. Even if you go completely bald all over (which hopefully wouldn’t involve waxing) and only get to wear a set of white scrubs or something, that’s still Joe standing there looking really naked. And probably pretty cold without all that hair to keep you warm. You don’t have to like or appreciate what L.A. considers fashionable—just play along until you get to go home and start wearing real clothes again. (If it’s any consolation, I still like my plaid button-downs that I can throw over a t-shirt. Hey, screw fashion, I still like ’em!)
I wish I couldn’t believe that the producers would whore themselves out to the point of making a movie like Prom Night an essential part of the plot, but I can.
SHIPWRECK: Apparently, Kristina didn’t learn anything about preparation for challenges after the Beauty vs. Geek talent show. Gotta talk, gotta make compromises ahead of time or everything goes in the shitter and you look really stupid. Speaking of looks, all Jason needed was a white collar and some cuffs for his transformation into a Chippendale’s dancer to be complete!
“I can’t do this!”
“Why not?!”
“… Because I’m gay.”
“No, you’re not!”
“I’m not? … Okay, you’re right, I’m not gay. I just find you ugly, repulsive and disgusting and wanted to let you down easy.”
SHIPWRECK: “ARRRRRR!!! If I hadn’t smashed me ship against the rocks, I’d still have that Cara wench in me clutches!” If you watch The Young and the Restless and a character actually does get abducted by pirates, please let us know. I wanna see if that dude follows through with his commitment to putting it on the show.
Now think about this for a moment: Cara’s boyfriend stole a motorcycle and faked his own fiery death. He slipped her a drug to give her amnesia. She was abducted by pirates. And this all happened before prom night! In high school! I can only imagine what college will be like…
For his first kiss ever, Matt’s was pretty darn impressive. He moved in, got both hands on her face and everything. HOT.
As for the night on the town, I’m curious. The producers have set up parties for challenges before, brought in random people who didn’t realize that beauties and geeks would be trying to get their phone numbers… did they put together this one as well? If so, did they invite any gay guys for Greggy to flirt with?
And as the rest of the group talks about who should be eliminated, everyone continues to bitch about how Joe’s negativity is bringing them all down. Oh, wait… only the beauties bitch about Joe’s negativity. Does anyone else find this a little odd? Are the geeks less sensitive to the dark energy that permeates throughout the entire mansion? Are the karmic implications of his behavior flying over their heads? Do they just not give a shit? I can’t say for sure because I wasn’t there, but my personal belief is that the girls are bitchy and the geeks think he’s okay. Maybe Joe should try to be a little more upbeat, but that’s no reason to crucify him. Hey, maybe that’s why he wanted to stage a portrayal of Jesus!
SHIPWRECK: This one’s kinda iffy. I mean, I think people are being overly critical of Joe’s costume. They never said what sort of female fashion the guys should aim for and I thought he made a half-decent drunken flapper from the 20’s. And the image would have been made more complete if he dropped about 150 pounds.
So what sort of shipwrecks lie in wait during Episode 6? I dunno, but it feels like I’m taking on water already. (Glub glub glub…)
