Origins of Minnesotan Gothic

I posted this picture by itself earlier this week. No explanation, no description, just the picture. Quite frankly, I didn’t think it needed one.

A bunch of people on the Interwebs agreed. My friends on Facebook (and some of my friends in real life) thought it was awesome, too. It was good enough that Mom and Dad are probably going to include it as part of the New Year’s letter to our family and friends in 2014.

But I’m not writing this to pat myself on the back. Well, not just to pat myself on the back. I think the picture’s inception was kind of interesting and thought it might be worth sharing as well.

It all started on the afternoon of the 17th when Mom, Dad and I went to my little brother’s house to shovel his driveway and sidewalk. Justin and his family were down in Florida for a week, but he assured us that it wouldn’t snow while he was gone. That afternoon was the second time we were at his house during that week because the weather didn’t care what he told us, it was gonna do what it damn well pleased.

A little while before we left the house, Justin texted the whole family a picture of him, his wife and their daughter in a swimming pool, enjoying the sunshine and having a grand old time. Nothing like unintentionally rubbing someone’s nose in their misfortune, right? But it did eventually lead to Minnesotan Gothic, so in retrospect, it wasn’t all bad.

When we got there, six inches of snow was eagerly waiting our shoveling efforts. On most of the driveway, at least. Next to the street, the snowplow had been by earlier, so all the snow on their side of street had been piled up there as well. I have no idea how deep it was, but it was also eagerly awaiting our shoveling efforts. Lots and lots of shoveling efforts.

Thankfully, a neighbor saw us and offered to clear off the end of the driveway with his snowblower when he was done with his own driveway. On his last pass, Mom asked me to take a couple pictures of him at work. Our original plan was to send one to Justin, let him know he picked a good week to skip town.

We finished up and were heading inside for a couple minutes, at which point we decided we should take a picture of ourselves instead. Swimming pool vs. snowdrifts. Sunshine vs. gray skies. Bare arms vs. heavy winter coats. Essentially telling each other “This is what you’re missing.”

Mom used to carry a small camera in her purse and I’d used it to take pictures of all three of us before. When we were in Norway, I got a shot of us on a boat crossing a fjord. (Also in Norway, I tried taking a picture of four people and cut off the outer halves of the outer people, so apparently, my aim was really good and my arm wasn’t long enough.) However, now that she has a phone that can take pictures, the camera was redundant and would just be taking up space.

Without a lens that I could aim and a button to push to take the picture, I wasn’t going to bother trying to get all three of us in a shot. As soon as I thought about Mom and Dad in front of a big snowdrift (“See what we’re sort of, but not really enjoying that you’re missing?”), I immediately opened up my phone, did a search for “farmer painting and there it was: American Gothic. That was our picture.

I showed it to them before we went back outside and initially thought we’d have to take it next to the street. For some reason, though, Justin had been shoveling the snow from their front walk into a giant pile and it was even bigger after two snowfalls. Perfect. Mom was holding a shovel and she and Dad started smiling: “No, you have to be stoic first.” I took three or four pictures that way, giggling pretty much the whole time, then got a couple of them smiling.

Unfortunately, I was holding my phone up high to get a better angle for the picture, so that combined with the light against the phone’s screen (plus all my giggling) meant I didn’t see my finger at the edge of the picture. And that’s why God created Photoshop. Photoshop, smartphones, snowdrifts, shovels, vacations in Florida, my parents and American Gothic. But maybe not in that order.

“Air Traffic Control, this is Shawn…”

“… coming in for an unscheduled and unpleasant landing.”

With all of the snow and rain that’s been freezing and melting and freezing, the condition of moisture on our driveway has been fluctuating on a pretty regular basis. A few times, we’ve had to clear off over six inches of snow. Last week, it was turning to water and running into the street. Now the temperature has dropped below 32 degrees again and according to my dad, “It’s slicker than slick outside.”

I was walking down the front steps to drive to play rehearsal this evening. (I’m working behind the scenes instead of being on stage this time, but it’s still fun.) I keep my car parked in front of the garage that’s right next to the steps. There have been several instances where I brushed the snow off my car and slipped on a patch of ice located immediately in front of it. No casualties, but I knew it was there. Tonight, for some ungodly reason, it never occurred to me that the melting and freezing might have made that patch of ice bigger.

My foot hit the bottom of the steps and I was airborne.

In retrospect, I think I landed pretty well. Sure, my legs shot up into the air and I landed flat on my back, but I cleared the steps so I didn’t hit any edges. Well, most of me cleared the steps: the back of my head introduced itself to one of the decorative bricks sitting next to the bottom step. Thankfully, my winter hat is made of a thick cotton that’s long enough for me to fold up on itself, so the two layers cushioned the impact. Aside from the potential loss of dignity (and who really needs that, anyway?), I strained the left side of my neck and that’s about it.

I ended up being late to rehearsal: I didn’t plan extra time for brushing and scraping off my car plus a few more brief slips on the driveway—I was taking short steps to maintain a tight center of gravity, so I stayed upright. I eventually made it there in one piece, then drove home and walked up the front steps in one piece as well, going the long way around the car to avoid that booby-trapped section of the driveway. I can usually remember a lesson after learning it the hard way just once.

The first snow of the season in Minnesota

Like I said yesterday, I could have tried getting home sooner, but it wasn’t a good day to drive fast. Hell, it wasn’t a good day to drive, period, but I had places to go, so I was going to be careful. I was going to take my time and make sure I got home in one piece. (One smashed-up car per year, that’s my limit.)

The day got started when I went up to Minneapolis for an IOGT meeting. If nothing else, we needed to do an audit for the fiscal year that ended on August 31st. Since I’m the treasurer, my presence was kinda necessary. It was starting to snow when we left, but things weren’t too bad heading north to the city. Once the meeting was over, though, things were no longer “weren’t too bad”. It was pretty nasty outside.

I was heading to a friend’s house for an Xbox party—he bought Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 a couple weeks ago and invited a handful of people over so we could kill each other over and over and over. (Yeah, that’s basically the point of the game: blow up everyone else.) Normally, it would take me maybe half an hour to get there. Yesterday’s drive lasted a little over an hour.

What’s worse, I was tired. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this at some point before, but it may have been a few years ago: my eyes don’t focus in the same place, so when I start getting really tired, I get double vision. That was happening for about the last third of the trip. I cranked up the radio, turned off the heat, drove slowly, focused on the road and I managed pretty well.

Such was not the case with everyone out there. For some ungodly reason, people in Minnesota forget how to drive in snow over the summer, so when the first one of the winter hits… over the course of five miles or so on a major highway, one van had spun out and hit the barrier so it was on the left side of the highway facing traffic. Another car went right instead, so it headed down the slope of a hill. Not very steep, but not flat by any means, so I imagine the driver had lots of fun spinning around in circles, bouncing around in his seat thinking “Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…” He didn’t hit anything except the ground, but I didn’t want to be either of those guys, so slow and steady seemed like the better option.

I got to my friend’s place, played Xbox with the others for a while, then demonstrated just how tired I was. He’s got a setup down in his basement that’s really good for watching movies: a projector on the ceiling that turns the wall into a giant screen, awesome stereo sound system… it’s pretty sweet. When there’s lots of gunfire, exploding grenades and people yelling at each other into their headsets because they keep killing each other… pretty loud. And I fell asleep. Then I woke up because I was cold. After my friend gave me a blanket, I fell asleep again.

Thankfully, all that rest made it a lot easier to get home. (So did the fact that it was a little after 11:00pm and it had stopped snowing, but the sleep helped, too.) I got back on the road and drove home, but I still wanted to be careful because of my one-vehicle limit. Thus, by taking my time, I got home with just a couple minutes left, talked to my mom for a bit, then got to my laptop and cranked this baby up right about midnight. I probably would have been fine driving home a little faster, but I’m still okay with my decision. Because I’m okay. Had I driven faster and ended up not okay, backdating last night’s entry by five minutes would be the least of my worries.

It’s only the first day?!

How I celebrated the Winter Solstice of 2010:

1) Silently wished my older brother and his wife, Brent and Gail, a happy 7th anniversary.

2) Shoveled another 5″ of snow off the front steps and driveway that came down yesterday.

2a) Got hot and sweaty doing it due to temperatures in the 20s.

2b) Became sad when realizing that “in the 20s” is a warm first day of winter here in MN.

3) Took a looooooong, hot shower to help melt away the aches and pains of shoveling… and rinse away the sweat, too.

4) Napped off and on for several hours due to exertion and lack of sleep last night.

5) Learned that this is the 2nd snowiest December on record.

5a) Did not curse upon learning this fact.

6) Received a copy of EA Sports Active 2 for the Wii that I ordered from Amazon.com to help combat some of the lingering after-effects of my trip to Norway: “Have seconds!” “Go back for another serving!” “Time for delectable desserts!” “I TOLD YOU TO EAT MORE, DAMMIT!

7) Wrote this blog entry of the day and felt a great deal of self-satisfaction having done so. Yay me.

So that’s a summary of today’s events. Given how crazy things got, I can only imagine what the second day of winter will bring.

Skol, Vikings, let’s snow!

Dear Zygi Wilf,

I want the Vikings to stay in Minnesota. I have a lot of fun cheering for them (too loudly, according to my dad). If they move to some other part of the country, you might as well stick a shiv in the fans’ backs, then bastardize the team by not changing the name (see: L.A. Lakers, Dallas Stars).

However, if you require a new stadium to remain here, make it a dome. I don’t care how historic tonight was, the Vikings are a crappy team when playing in cold weather. (I think the TV commentators said the last outdoor game the Vikes won in conditions like these was back in 2005.) We get a lot of cold weather here in Minnesota during November and December and things would only get worse if the team plays less crappy and makes the playoffs.

The funding for the stadium is an issue I don’t want to dwell on right now, I just want you to accept the cold reality (pun intended) of the situation: it doesn’t matter what you want—the Vikings need a domed stadium. Thanks for understanding.

Best wishes,
Shawn