Bet you didn’t know that professors can be good for more than decent grades if you provide the proper sexual favors, did you? Turns out that they can add a little sunshine to an ordinarily dismal day filled with crappy classes that you’d rather sleep through and they’re serving sloppy joes for lunch again. Beginning in my sophomore year at Kenyon, I started jotting down quotes in the margins of my notebooks, comments from professors and students which kept time from stopping and made things a little less unbearable.
Practical Issues in Ethics (Ulf):
Excuse me, could I steal your stereo?
Me: People have the right to go to the bathroom in the streets, but they give up that right for the sake of public sanity… sanitation.
Scott has curtailed his freedom by having really short hair.
(Joel substituting for a day) If there’s two of anything, it has to be wrong.
(J) I’m misspelling “acquiescence.” Never mind that.
(J) Some people enjoy taking hammers and smashing their fingers.
(J) Some people enjoy what’s called “fist-fucking.”
(J) People can get pleasure from anything. People eat snails… Velveeta cheese… anything… tater tots… anything!
Introduction to Philosophy (AP):
[about arguments] We have them all the time, and they’re kinda fun sometimes.
We call this the “bent tush” illusion… we in the know.
If P’ is true and I don’t exist, then I’m screwed.
If you ask a kid, “Hey, does a2+b2=c2?” and they’ll say, “Gimme a lollipop.”
Introduction to Logic (Joel):
It just sounds funny because you guys have been contaminated by movies.
[logic can’t show truth or falsehood] Or you poke out the eye of a frog—“Oh, it hurts the frog!”
Oh yes, Mr. Mill! Thank you! All punishment is bad!
[holding up an eraser] If this chalk is in the room, it’s possible for this chalk to be in the room.
You people look like I beat you in ping pong or something.
You’re making no money now. You get out of college, you’re making $25,000 a year. Your income went up an infinite percent!
If God exists, you are fucked up in a way that you can’t imagine.
Watching undergraduates leave after four years is like watching lemmings go off a cliff.
