Is that a franchise in your pants?

As I sifted through the mail this afternoon, I found a plain white envelope with my name on it. The return address didn’t have a name above it, the printer used a very small font that looked vaguely like handwriting, but the font got larger at the bottom where it said, “Your Invitation Enclosed”. Could it be junk mail? I think it could be junk mail.

The paper used to make that plain white envelope was thin enough that I could see some of the writing on the letter inside. In the upper left hand corner (behind the return address), it was really easy to see the word NHance. In other words, Boner Medicine!

When I flipped the envelope over, though, I could see snippets of sentences through the back as well that didn’t make sense:

Aside from the fact that “18+ and older” is redundant, I’d never heard of a franchise that specialized in medications to treat erectile dysfunction. And how would you franchise something like that? Did the people who sent this expect me to use their name and logo to help sell stuff out of my house, then have me send them a percentage of the proceeds?

When I was done looking through the rest of the mail, I quickly grabbed my letter opener, slid it across the top of the envelope, pulled out the letter and saw the subheading to the NHance logo:

Revolutionary Wood Renewal.

…

Boner Medicine!