Season 4, Episode 1: This is evolution?

I know, I know, this review is really late, but it’s not my fault—this season is a pain in the butt. It’s not that I haven’t found the time to watch the tapes, though that certainly hasn’t helped, but there are way too many contestants on the show this season. 10, count ’em, 10 couples in the mansion. It makes for a little more drama and several more episodes (and shitloads more money for Ashton Kutcher and friends), so whaddya gonna do? Jot down a few notes, quips and observations, that’s what! … Ahem. Where was I?

Can I just say I think it’s cool that they used the clip of me walking through the curtain in my spiffy clothes during the season intro? I think it’s cool.

Choosing the cities they did, no big deal (though apparently Minnesota doesn’t have enough beautiful or geeky people to make it worth the trip), but why did they send Nate and Jennylee to some cities and Mike Richards to the others? It might seem kinda cool to meet the host of the show—it looks like he’s the guy for the long-term now (yay for him!)—but after watching the first episode and seeing that other people got interviewed by members of last season’s cast… I’d be pissed.

I’m perfectly happy to admit that I played Dungeons & Dragons when I was a kid, but wow. LARPing? I’d probably skip playing the character and just start whacking people’s shins with my sword. Hey, during David’s fight with Jasmine, she whacked his legs first and ended up, well, whacking him. If whacking works for her, it can work for you, too! Wait a sec…

And I don’t mean to harp on David too much, but… yeah, I do. According to what we’ve seen from him so far, he’s a pompous ass. Much, much worse than Chris seemed in Season 2. I say “seemed” because I’ve met Chris and he’s a pretty decent guy. I’m willing to put a link to his blog in here, so he can’t be that much of a pompous ass. I think. In the meantime, we’ll have to wait and see whether David develops any redeeming qualities later on.

The Rubberband Club sounds way cool. Period.

How do you get a 5.0 GPA? I remember how those grades worked: B = 3.0, B+ = 3.33, A- = 3.67, A = 4.0. Who do you have to sleep with to average an A+++ in all your classes? And wouldn’t all those sexual favors exclude you from the “geek” category according to the standards of this show?

As I mentioned in the previous entry, fake boobs. Lots of ’em. As much as society seems to enjoy large breasts, why can’t we all accept that small ones are fun to play with, too?

This is something I’ve noticed from prior seasons and something that’s come up on other chat boards as well: the women aren’t distinguished very well on Beauty and the Geek. Not that it’s their fault, mind you—the show is presenting a bunch of pretty faces with guys who collect comic books, get a 5.0 GPA at Emory and play with robots. Which ones would you remember? I know, I know, fake boobs…

I can accept that kissing a mannequin would be really awkward and some guys wouldn’t have experience with kissing girls in general, but how the hell can you not come up with an answer for a Rorschach test? “What does this ink blot look like?” “Ink on paper.” “What about this one?” “I dunno… ink on paper again?”

As for the girls’ tests, it’s unfortunate, but I can say I’ve heard a lot of college graduates mispronounce words even simpler than “indignation.” Like “mispronounce.” Okay, maybe not that bad, but vocabulary shouldn’t be the basis for an intellect test. Trying to name countries and listing off states in the U.S. instead… a much better basis.

Joshua and Shay think they won’t work well together since they both did the worst, then they’re gonna team up because they’ll be under the radar, but they’re also picking teams that could potentially piss people off, which will make them targets… I’m so confused. The producers might have hinted to them off-camera that their partnership would be a good idea, but that would be unethical, right? The producers aren’t supposed to directly affect the outcome of reality! Because “reality TV” is the same thing as “reality”, right?

I give Jen way more credit then Jasmine during the pairing-up ceremony. David wasn’t too happy about being partners with Jasmine, but she was certain that it’d be “fun.” He said “interesting”, which was a somewhat polite way of saying “This is gonna suck ass,” and Jasmine still insisted that they’d have fun. Conversely, when Jen noticed the obvious displeasure on William’s face when he stepped forward, she said, “I’m sorry you got stuck with me.” She can relate to other people’s feelings and she’s got fake boobs! *sigh* I think I’m in love.

As the mystery couple was walking up the stairs, two thoughts crossed through my mind. “Some girls still wear bobby socks?” and “Sleeveless shirt and… aw, you gotta be kidding me… that’s what passes for male beauty nowadays? I’m sticking with plaid long sleeves.”

To conclude, I’d like to make a prediction for the final episode that the producers are hoping (already hoped) for: Joshua and Shay vs. Nicole and Sam. The couple that needs the most improvement faces up against the “evolved” experiment. Cage match, one night only, no holds barred! (Okay, overt muscle flexing is barred, but that’s it!) Coming soon to a CW affiliate near you!

3 Replies to “Season 4, Episode 1: This is evolution?”

  1. I have that problem every season, where all of the Beauties melt together because they aren’t presented as having much personality. On the second episode I took notes (geek!) to try to keep the teams straight and I got all of the Geeks down, but even if I got the Beauties’ names matched up to their Geek, that didn’t mean I would recognize them. Usually minorities, including brunettes, are the first ones whose names I recognize because at least they stick out from the crowd physically, if not personality-wise.

    Isn’t this all filmed before it’s shown? So it’s likely that the winner has already been determined and they’re leading us to it? I see Joshua/Shay vs Nicole/Sam too. If Nicole doesn’t kill Sam first.

    It is nice to see a token BoyBeauty/GirlGeek pair, just so that the producers will have to say things like “You’ll be tested on things that the Beauties are into, like hair and makeup” rather than the usual “You’ll be tested on things that are important to women, like hair and makeup.” One small step…

  2. I would just like to point out the inherent irony of you calling someone else geeky. It’s like Wil Wheaton accusing Hayden Christiansen of wooden acting šŸ™‚

  3. I wasn’t calling him geeky—I was suggesting that maybe someone wouldn’t be geeky if he had slumber parties with all of his teachers. Given that I didn’t get involved with any of my male professors during the course of my college education, I couldn’t have managed more than a 4.5 GPA.

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