Head Case

Things seem to be slowing down on the blog these days—sure, you could say it’s because I’m lazy, but I prefer to avoid blame and say there’s a third party responsible. Like it’s the butterfly effect and some 13-year-old kid in Zimbabwe has a nasty case of uncontrolled flatulence. Every time he farts, another moment of inspiration escapes me. And if you think he’s an innocent party, maybe you should blame Sally Struthers for begging for the food that caused said uncontrolled flatulence.

You may be asking yourself, “So how can you increase web traffic and make this site more hip and trendy?” Unfortunately, I don’t have berets and sunglasses to go along with any bizarre abstract poetry, but a second option might be to add some buzzwords. If you do a web search for “Shawn Bakken”, this will be the first site on the list. If you do a web search for “Shawn Bakken porn”… I hope this will be the first site on the list. (If it’s not, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do to a lot of people. Myself included.) So it might help if I add a couple other buzzwords that might pop up on random searches that don’t specifically include my name, such as:

sex, sexy, sexalicious, penis, pen1s, p3nis, horny, horney, hornee, bj, blowjob, rimjob, rimshot, porn, fuck, pron, fukc (I might get some hits from perverts who can’t spell with one hand, you never know…)

Mind you, I’d never stoop to such depths just to get more traffic on the website. I’m above that. However, there’s one sentence that might be a little less popular for Internet searches, but one that could still catch people’s attention:

I have epilepsy.

I’ve been planning on writing about it eventually, but hey, blame Sally Struthers. And yes, epilepsy probably isn’t the only reason why the title of this entry is appropriate, but it’s the only medically certifiable reason. Lord knows it’s had a huge effect on my life—huge enough that I’ll be renaming the category “Head Case” to “Epilepsy” eventually, but that would have spoiled the surprise ending to this entry. If anyone has questions, by all means, leave comments and I’ll do my best to answer them. If you don’t… well, I can always start talking about pron again.