I [BLANK]…

I guess this entry fits in with the solidarity theme since I posted it back in 2006, but it’s still a survey that I got off someone’s blog (versus a Myspace bulletin this time). Normally at this point, I’d say “Go, writers!” since I think they’ve got a right to be pissed off. However, I just finished watching The Tonight Show and it was really obnoxious when people in the audience were yelling random stuff that you couldn’t understand while Bill Maher was talking. So [BLANK] you, mother [BLANK]ers! And now, back to your regularly scheduled survey.

I’M AMAZED… at how a little extra gasoline can make a house burn so much faster.

I DOUBT… I’ll do “The Chicken Dance” ever, ever, ever!

I CAN’T SEE… “clearly now, the rain is back…”

I WANT TO BEAT WITH A SOCKFUL OF QUARTERS… the washing machine at the apartment building.

I’M ADDICTED… to smack. I can’t stop talking it. Way too much fun to talk smack.

I FEEL BAD… about an hour after eating at Taco Bell.

I WATCH… people on the sidewalk and wonder how many of them have really bad gas this morning.

I LISTEN… to the voices in my head way too often.

IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS… I’d buy a million things off the dollar menu at a fast-food restaurant and still have $10,000 to spare (before sales tax).

I WANT… a cookie. Not just any cookie, mind you—I want your cookie.

I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT… oxygen for longer than a couple minutes.

I’M OBSESSED… with having an equal number of boogers in each nostril.

I THINK CHILDREN… are out to get me.

I CAN’T WAIT… to pee while I’m driving on the interstate at 3:00 in the morning and all the gas stations are closed, so I wet myself and feel oh so much better!

I’M PROUD… that’s all. I’m just proud.

I HAVE A DREAM… pretty much every night.

I ALWAYS WEAR… my underwear until it has holes in it, though I usually wash them once or twice before that happens.

I FEAR… the monsters under my bed and the skeletons in my closet. They’re even worse than the children out to get me…

I WISH… for more wishes.

I ONCE ACCIDENTALLY… put it in the wrong hole and she punched me really hard.

I NEVER… want to see my parents having sex ever again. Not even on home video with porno music playing.

I’D KILL TO… have something to eat after a plane crash on a mountain.

I MISS… when I try to shoot a target, but don’t hit it.

I’M LOATHE TO ADMIT… traffic violations after a cop pulls me over.

I’LL NEVER FORGIVE… those two hookers who gave me the clap last August (even though I shorted them ten bucks).