I know, I’m stealing material from another source, but I felt the need to share. If anyone who submitted these quotes to the Mensagenda wants credit, just post a notice and you’ll get the props you deserve. If you’re lying about submitting these quotes, I’ll post a notice and you’ll get the anti-props you deserve. Plus your nose will grow really long. And I’ll tell your parents and you’ll get a serious paddlin’ when you get home.
Here’s the general premise: people took a common saying and changed the ending. (The humor comes in the unexpected twist to something we think is familiar.) If you want to read more than this general introduction, you’ll have to click the link. And do it right. After all, if you want something done right, you have to try something different than all the people who did it wrong.
A stitch in Time keeps the cover on the magazine.
Where there’s a will, there’s an estate lawyer.
You can lead a horse to water, but it isn’t necessary, because animals can find water by scent.
When the going gets tough, switch to four-wheel drive.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Early to bed, early to rise if you have a long commute.
If at first you don’t succeed, try stealing second.
Many are called, but few are home.
Never give a sucker to a running child.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and your mascara runs.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to make a rug.
A rose by any other name will still make you sneeze if you’re allergic to them.
A penny saved is a cent not spent.
One bad apple spoils my appetite.
Haste makes sense, if you have a deadline.
All work and no play makes Jack a CEO in 15 months.
A bird in the hand is worth differing amounts, depending on what kind of bird it is.
Cleanliness is next to impossible in a house with a 17-month-old boy and a tired mommy.
If at first you don’t succeed, try something else.
Oil and water don’t make good salad dressing.
One picture is worth a thousand dollars if you can sell it to the National Enquirer.
He who hesitates is honked at.
Ask no questions and remain ignorant.
Time and Tide are on aisles two and 11, respectively.
Give a man a fish and you’re short a fish.
A house divided is a duplex.
A penny saved is one cent.
If the shoe fits, it probably doesn’t match anything you own.
I think, therefore I get headaches.
You can’t see the forest for the highway sound barriers.
A journey of a thousand miles should be booked a month early.
