S5, Episode 8: Wipeout!

Given how much I enjoyed seeing people not make it to the bottom of the slope—sorry, guys—this felt like an appropriate title for the episode. Unless you haven’t heard the song, in which case you haven’t the slightest idea what I’m talking about. Well, it starts with laughter and a big drum solo, but you’ll have to hear it to really appreciate it. (Just ignore the fact that it’s being played by the Beach Boys.)

Going to Big Bear and doing the same things, but in snow? C’mon, Chris, show a little love for the outdoors. Sure, you might have seen me wandering around by myself like that, but at least I would have been enjoying nature while doing it.

I don’t buy Tara’s “I’m just a girl” defense against Joe throwing snowballs. If she could plead “I’m tiny, petite and very fragile”, then maybe… Consider: I was playing soccer last year and bumped into a girl (apparently a little too hard for her tastes). She reprimanded me with “Don’t play so hard, I’m just a chick!” Then later in the first half, she took out one of my (male) teammates from behind. “Just a chick”, my ass…

I would have loved to spend time in Big Bear and do the sledding challenge, even if it involved vomiting on the slope where people were trekking up to the top of the slide. At least it’s easier to bury the results that way.

Given The Great Wall of Big Bear, how could the producers think putting a sled together would be a challenge when The Wall was so structurally sound?

Tara and Joe are looking more and more like a married couple as time goes by. They have their spats, they support each other in the face of adversity and when Tara is in a bad mood, Joe sleeps on the couch. Except they’re in the cabin, so he grabs the bearskin rug, brings it into the room and sleeps on the floor. Who got in the last word this time, huh?!

Tommy’s got the hots for Tara, but doesn’t want to ruin things with DraculAmber, who doesn’t really like him… does anyone else wonder what his life has been like since his illusions were shattered over a month ago?

I can completely relate to Jason’s feelings of “I screwed up, it’s my fault.” I’m a tad skeptical of it being all his fault—letting his heels drag shouldn’t have slowed them down that much. I would be astonished if the producers could somehow figure out the physics behind how long and at what angle the slope would have to be, how much force to get started, what happens if they start swerving around like Tommy and Amanda… way too many factors to take into account. Maybe Jason’s ass was a little too heavy and that extra drag is ultimately what kept them from crossing the line. (Or maybe Kristina’s ass was a little too heavy, but we don’t speak of such things lest we wake up buried in the snow to our necks with wild dogs urinating on our heads.)

The elimination ceremony reminded me of something I saw on Whose Line Is It, Anyway? There were three guys who had to “vote someone off the island”, so to speak: the first two guys picked each other and the third walked up to the camera and said, “I pick me—I wanna get the hell out of here!” Sadly, Tommy and Amanda didn’t have that option, so they got rid of yet another couple. It’s a shame that he stopped giving people hugs after deciding their fates, it really is…

I’m starting to feel a little guilty. I’ve been pointing fingers at so many of the girls on the show because of their egos and bitchy attitudes—it’s not my fault that so many of them were cast—but I’ve been letting someone off the hook for a few weeks now: Chris. He claims he was the reason that his teams won the Beauty vs. Geek challenges, his team has won a challenge (i.e., Cara did, who got her really good science fair example from Jason), he assumes that any physical challenge is his for the taking (and now he’s lost two to Tommy)… I think I would have called him out if he wasn’t so calm about it. No yelling or screaming or tantrums, just “I’m the best—deal with it.” Personally, I think he should get back out on the football field so Tommy can paste him again. But that’s just me.