I can’t call this “Head Case: Episode 2” because it wasn’t the second episode. It wasn’t the third or fourth or tenth or… I don’t know how many. However, it was also before I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy, so I had no idea what to call it at the time. I’m still not sure what happened in my head that caused it, but since it was an isolated incident, I figure it’ll be a good next installment to the Head Case Chronicles.
I was in college when it happened. I’m pretty sure it was during my sophomore year, but a lot of high school and college is a big blank in my head. I got an e-mail from a college professor earlier this year; I was in her English class at one point, but I had to look up her picture on the Kenyon website to try and find out who she was. The picture didn’t help, either. I still have papers that I saved on my old computer, but as for my recollections of the class… gone. But that’s beside the point.
I think it was a Classics course, though I couldn’t tell you what the professor was talking about. Part of that is due to my poor memory, but part is due to a few moments that I’ve managed to remember for all these years. I was sitting at the table, listening to the lecture, taking notes—doing everything a good college student does. What most college students don’t do is suddenly lose all sensory input.
One moment, everything was fine. The next moment, I couldn’t see the professor, hear her speaking, feel my pencil or paper or the desk… all I knew was that time was passing. God wasn’t talking to me, I didn’t enter the void of hyperspace, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a chemical reaction caused by the dining hall’s cooking… there was just nothing for a period of time.
When I finally came back, so to speak, I was still sitting upright in my chair watching the professor giving her lecture as if nothing had happened. I say “watching” because while I could see her lips moving as she was looking at the class, I couldn’t hear anything yet. It wasn’t long before my hearing came back and the class continued as usual. For most people, of course, it was “as usual” the whole time. For me… not so much.
As life continued, I was still having some issues with my head, but this blank-out (I don’t call it a blackout because I didn’t lose consciousness, just sensory input) was really kinda scary. And I can tell some of you out there are thinking, “Hell, yeah, it’s kinda scary!” Well, with everything else that was going on, I didn’t worry about it too much afterwards. I imagine guys who suffer from erectile dysfunction go through the same thought process: “What happened?! Oh my God, my night is ruined! Well, it was a cheap hook-up anyway, but if it happens again, I’ll start to worry.” So that’s basically what I was thinking. I was concerned, but since it only happened once, I decided I was going to be okay. Besides, that class was a cheap hook-up anyway.
“Well, with everything else that was going on, I didn’t worry about it too much afterwards.”
You must have been going through a lot to be able to just brush this off as an isolated incident. But in a strange way maybe that’s a good thing. I’m guessing it wouldn’t have helped the situation to sit there and dwell on it.