Yeah, there are some days when I’m sitting in front of the computer and I’m not in the mood to look at porn. (Scary but true.) When that happens, I have a high propensity to check out one of the greatest search engines in the universe: eBay. But when I want to do some real surfing, that’s when it’s time to head over to good ol’ Google. I’ve looked up my name in the past—79 hits and counting (though some of them are defunct pages from the old blog that got wiped out back in March)—but most recently, I’ve been checking around to see what people have to say about the reality show.
Perhaps you’ve been looking around as well, but haven’t found anything. After all, you can get 88,900 hits when searching for WB “reality show”. Lemme do you a favor and add two additional terms to narrow things down a little: “Ashton Kutcher.”
“Why should I include that in my search,” you might ask? Well, I’m the best person to provide you with an answer. If you look back at the entry It don’t get much more final than this, you’ll note that one of the happy fun activities we engaged in during our imprisonm… stay at the hotel was talking to the producers.
So eventually, it came time for me to have my final interview that’d make or break my chance to be on the show. It was a smashing success. We were all having fun, lots of laughter (which people could hear outside the hotel “interview” room)… good times. I told them about how I was reading a book called The Footprints of God (a novel about a supercomputer that “comes to life”). They asked if it was heavy reading—I told them, “Well, it’s about this thick…” I’d join book clubs and get a bunch of cheap books, quit, they’d ask me to come back, I’d rejoin and get a bunch of cheap books, quit, they’d ask me to come back and so on. Was it just for the books? “No, man, it’s about working the system!” Like I said, good times.
But when I first walked into the room and went around shaking everyone’s hand, I noticed that one hand belonged to Ashton Kutcher. I didn’t want to act star-struck during the interview, so I tried to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible and just looked around at everyone (thankfully, we were all sitting in a circle). Looking at him was inevitable, but, well, I didn’t expect it to happen the way it did.
One of them asked something like, “What’s the first thing that attracts you to a woman?” Well, hell, I can’t smell her breath and/or armpits from a distance—it seemed like kind of a silly question, but I answered honestly, “Her appearance.” Then Ashton pipes up, “Seriously, are you a tits man or an ass man?” …Have you ever had one of those moments when it felt like your jaw was about to drop down far enough to hit the floor? Yeah, it was one of those.
Still, I kept my composure and answered honestly again (though Matthew Feeney calls this “an attorney’s answer”), “Well, I usually see them from the front first.” Can you imagine someone walking up to a woman and asking, “Could you turn around for a sec? Oh yeah…” Regardless, it got huge laughs, so it was all good.
Thus, the discovery that Ashton Kutcher was involved in the project. If you add his name to your search (or decide to be lazy and let me do the work for you), the number drops significantly. I doubt you’ll want to sift through every site listed, but eventually you’ll come to one that reveals the show’s title: Beauty and the Geek.
