“Fifty Shades of Gray” might have been a more appropriate title for this blog entry, but someone already used it. Crap. Still, either one seems like a decent lead-in to what I’m talking about.
It came up when I was at a birthday party at a bar and one married woman admitted doing something very scandalous recently: she made out with another woman. Not unheard of, but okay, it’s kinda scandalous. However, later in the evening, she pointed out that she wouldn’t kiss a man other than her husband because she’s “mostly straight”. Huh?
My thoughts about sexual identity: it’s a scale that goes from black to white, straight to gay—anyone who doesn’t sit on the extremes is bisexual. If a person has a preference for men or women, well, there are “fifty shades of gray”. (Thus, my analogical title that got swiped by some other writer.) According to her previous statement, she’s “mostly black”. Or “mostly white”. Either way, she’s placed herself firmly within that scale of gray.
Did I mention that “mostly straight” meant making out with other females isn’t cheating on her husband? She said that other men would be, but women are okay. Does that make sense to anyone else? Maybe I’m clinging to outdated standards of straight and gay in my old age, which would be really sad since I’m in my mid-30’s.
Incidentally, I mentioned that Chuck and I kissed on Beauty and the Geek and she wanted to see it. I told her how to find in on YouTube—I’m not including a link here, you’ll have to find it yourselves if you want to watch—and she gave me her critique afterward: it didn’t get her really excited, but she still liked it. (I didn’t say “That’s because we’re both dudes!”, but I thought it.)
After several months of trying to process it, all I can think of is that she likes kissing girls and “mostly straight” is a justification so she can do it without feeling like she’s cheating on her husband. If that’s not the case… my head is lost in a gray cloud of confusion. (What shade of confusion, I have no idea, but I’m definitely confused.)
I agree– I think she’s using it as a justification. Cheating is cheating, no matter what the gender of the other-person-who’s-not-her-husband. There maybe shades of gray in the sexuality spectrum (and that’s okay!) but I think monogamy is pretty black and white. Either you’re faithful to your partner and don’t kiss/sleep with anyone else, male or female, or you’re not. Everything else is rationalization.
Also, I’m a 100% straight girl, but I will admit that I find two dudes kissing TOTALLY hot (I don’t feel the same way about two girls kissing, though) 😉
Well as a true bisexual I might as well reply to this. I will agree, she isn’t a bisexual. Sounds like she wanted to experiment, or maybe a bit of shock factor. Now if her husband knows and doesn’t mind it isn’t cheating. Every couple has their own rules, don’t judge.
True bisexual…. I have been in long term relationships with men and with women. I honestly love people for who they are, not for their gender.
If she was experimenting, it was for the sake of increasing her sample size because it didn’t sound like it was a one-time scandalous event. Maybe I don’t understand “true bisexual”, which is fine; I’m still at a lost when it comes to “mostly straight”. Got any ideas?