A friend of mine set up a date through OKCupid and planned to meet him at a bar at 7:30. The guy still hadn’t shown up by 7:45, so she left to go shopping. Later that evening, she received these texts:
This begs the question of whether there’s an unwritten rule about how long to wait for a date, especially someone you “met” on a dating website. Ten minutes? Half an hour? “Only” fifteen minutes? I think my friend exercised good judgment, but I’m wondering how some of the rest of you feel. How long should you stand around, not knowing if/when the person will show up? (For the record, “That guy was a douchebag and what’s with the Lol?” may be true, but that’s not what I’m asking.)
I think 15 minutes is about right, especially when the guy didn’t even bother to call or send a text to let her know he’d be late. A little common courtesy is not too much to ask.
And I know you’re not asking about it, but the fact that he shifted the blame to her rather than apologizing for being late and not notifying her, speaks volumes. Glad she didn’t have to waste longer than those 15 minutes (plus travel time to and from the bar).
If she had his cell number, she should have sent him a msg and asked him what was up. There are any number of reasons someone can be late. I do find being tardy to a date to be quite rude. – – At the same time while running late he should have sent a msg stating he was running behind.
Personally, I would have sent a message after 15, if I didn’t hear anything for 5 minutes after I would have been gone. But I do think she should have sent him a message. (douchebag move on his part to write, lol though. He should have instantly wrote… OMG, I’m so sorry I’m late, please come back!”)
Let’s be fair though… we all loose track of time.
I dunno– if this had been a couple of friends who were casually meeting up for drinks after work, I would agree that he could’ve lost track of time or that she could’ve contacted him first.
But given the circumstances, I don’t think she had ANY obligation to text him first. He was the one being disrespectful, so I think it would have made her sound desperate. And if he really did lose track of time to the point that he was running late without explanation, then it’s obvious he didn’t really think or care much about their date to begin with.
Either way, he owes her an apology for being late AND not telling her about it, so the fact that he didn’t is just icing on the cake of insult and disrespect.
Here’s a twist: he texted her 45 minutes earlier that he’d be 30 minutes late, but she never received it. Plus this was all set up through a dating website, so they have yet to see or speak to each other in person. Do those factors affect your answer, if at all?
hmmmm, that does change things a little bit. I probably would have texted him if he hadn’t shown up, which would maybe have helped in this particular scenario. That said, not receiving the text and then leaving after 15 minutes is OKAY. I don’t think she did anything wrong, since she didn’t have the information that he was going to be late.
The meeting through a dating website thing does not affect my answer, since that is how I met my partner of over four years now. You still should be courteous of someone’s time, regardless of whether or not you have interacted in person.