If you’ve been to Burger King recently, you’ve noticed that they’re now putting little sayings on all of their drinks/wrappers/cleaning products, etc. Why? To drive home the fact that when you’re at Burger King, you can have it your way. And probably to distract you from those freaky commercials with the plastic King standing at random people’s windows in the morning, handing them free Super-Duper-Greasy-Globs-Of-Instant-Heart-Attack-But-Really-Yummy-So-It’s-Okay breakfast monstrosities.
Anyway, I went there with my older brother last week and decided to play it safe, ordering the Minor-Artery-Blockage chicken sandwich value meal. The meal came with a medium-sized pop—for the life of me, I will never understand how they got rid of “small”… now they start with “medium,” then upgrade to “large” and “King”-sized cups. Shouldn’t the medium cups be considered smalls since they’re the smallest cup you can get nowadays? Or maybe the fast food industry will keep making things bigger until you’re stuck choosing between “King,” “Jug” and “Keg o’ the His Royal Majesty’s Brew.” (God knows what effect that might have on their coffee sales…)
After we sat down to start eating, I noticed this message on the side of my cup: “Maybe you want a lot of ice. Maybe you want no ice. Maybe you want your top securely fastened, or maybe you want to go topless.” There was more, but after reading that, I had an image in my head of my drink sitting on the table and suddenly the lid flies off and a small voice screams, “Cups Gone Wild!!!” I think the grease from my sandwich may have clogged up something important in my brain…
