Homemade pizza. The Monstrosity!™ Get a crust, put on a bunch of homemade pizza sauce, add cheese, then pepperoni, then sausage, then mushrooms, then more cheese… “Shawn tasted, Shawn approved!”™
Forks. Look, it was a thin-crust pizza crust! Sure, it was nice and crispy, but it was still The Monstrosity!™ Cutting it into eight slices and eating it by hand was a ludicrous proposal. (That’s not to say I didn’t pick it up and take a few bites partway through, but I didn’t want a giant pile of greasy pizza toppings flopping down onto my hand before landing on the plate.)
Plates. A better landing spot for toppings than my hand, the table or on top of the dog. Not that he’d mind, but still…
Paper towels. The toppings stayed on the pizza, but that didn’t keep other stuff for flowing down onto my hand when I picked it up.
Dishwashers. Because cleaning up the plates and forks and knife (Me: “I don’t need a knife!” [Five minutes later] “Thanks for letting me use yours…”) is tedious and I’m grateful that we have a machine to do the work for me.
