Today commemorates the 40th anniversary of my parents’ marriage and it was perilously close to being a non-event: if it weren’t for a little added pressure earlier this evening, the day’s only significance would have been their visiting the Rainbow Foods in Lakeville that opened today and eating samples of a wide variety of exotic foods that no one would ever buy unless they won the lottery. Or unless the grocers laced the mini-sausages with a little something special for their new customers…
Upon arriving home, they gave me a couple cookies, some granola bars, yogurt… I guess they might have bought chocolate chip cookies without having an extra $50 million in spending cash, but that was about it. They sat down, I wished them a happy 40th anniversary and asked what they planned to do to celebrate.
Mom suggested they go out to eat; Dad said he was full from eating samples at Rainbow. I tried to whisper a couple of “subtle” suggestions:
- Invite her out to dessert.
“I can’t eat dessert.” (She’s on a doctor-mandated low-carb diet.)
You can have a meal while he eats dessert.
“That sounds good.”
It sounded like they were making progress, but the discussion quickly hit a wall. I can’t recall why it happened, but the conversation descended into:
- “We can go if you want.”
“If you don’t want to go, let’s not bother.”
“If you want to go, we’ll go.”
“We’re not going if you don’t want to.”
I covered up my face with my cap at that point—I’m not sure whether it was a grimace of frustration because they weren’t making a decision or a smile because I’ve had the same “I’ll go if you want to” discussion so many times. Whichever look it was, I thought it best to hide it.
Eventually, I decided it had to stop. I popped out from under my cap and said, “You have five seconds for someone to make an executive decision! Five… four… three… two… one!” Neither of them said anything. Crap.
But a moment later, they were talking about where to eat. Mom didn’t want to eat at a place like Perkins—it’s nice, but today is a special event and she didn’t want “nice.” (Neither of us blamed her.) Eventually, Dad thought of Outback Steakhouse, a place they hadn’t visited in about two years. On top of that, they decided to rent a movie that they’re watching upstairs as I’m typing this. I was invited to join them, of course, but like Mom said, this is a special event and I want them to spend it together.
Even though there’s not much time left in the day, I want to wish my parents a happy 40th anniversary and hope their marriage lasts for another 40. They’ll both have to live past 100, but it could happen. If it does, I’m sure they won’t have to worry about eating at a restaurant. Any quibbles they might have would sound more like:
- “I can poop if you want.”
“If you don’t want to poop, don’t bother trying.”
“If you want me to poop, I can do it…”
