It was just like any other dinner, really. We ate, we drank, the food occasionally made an effort to escape from the plate, some people considered sitting nearby and thought better of it when they heard the conversation—same old, same old…
Normally, nothing really big comes from talking about killing animals, then wearing their bloody skins, Greeks don’t pay taxes ‘cause they’re dead, that sort of thing. Today, Tyler made some mention to Tim and me about a hunting magazine that someone once showed him. Apparently, in an effort to alter the course of hunting fashion trends, someone had an ad in there for pouches made from buffalo scrotum.
I know, it’s scary, but it got worse right away because both Tim and I misheard—we thought he said “couches.” Well, of course Tyler said you could sit on them, but wasn’t quite sure why you would invite other people to sit on them. Once it got clarified, hell broke loose on our end of the table, as well as the other end of the table once we explained what the conversation was about. Here’s a sample of some of the comments that came up with such an excellent topic:
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Would the couch shrink when it gets cold out?
“Why does this couch have so many wrinkles?”
You’d probably have to use a whole lot of ‘em—there’d be stitch marks all over the thing.
You know, you could use it as a wine pouch, and after someone takes a drink, you tell them what it’s made of…
That might be a good way to keep from getting mugged. “Well, I’ll give you my money, but it’s in this buffalo scrotum.” “You know, maybe you better keep your money…”
You could use it for a bean bag! Or a hackey sack! “C’mon, let’s go kick the scrotum around!”
Hey baby, I’d get you something to drink, but I left my scrotum back in the car.
Now that you’ve touched my scrotum, does this mean we have something going?
How big are buffalo scrotums?
Big enough for a pouch but smaller than a couch.
Somewhere between the size of a golf ball and Mercury.
How much does a buffalo scrotum go for these days?
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Needless to say, we were all near tears for about five minutes during dinner
tonight. It’s kinda cool, you know? Just when you think there’s nothing funny about hunting, someone comes out with a product like “buffalo scrotum pouches.” And to think I was losing my faith in the general state of humanity…
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After having read this, I’m sure you realize that it’s an excellent topic of conversation, preferably at a cocktail party. As such, I highly encourage all of you to add comments to this entry with some ideas of your own—don’t be too proud to share. Just make sure to keep your hands away from your pouches where we can see them.
