I’m not sure why the postal system delivers things when they do, but I am oh-so-confused about some of the stuff I’ve pulled out of my mailbox over the last few days.
On Saturday, September 2nd, I got a letter from the American Bar Association. I only glanced at it briefly and can’t recall the details—I think they wanted me to pay some money to upgrade my membership from cool lawyer to super-cool lawyer. What I do remember is a little plastic space on the front of the envelope.
Well, technically, there were two. In one, you could see my name and address (I’m assuming that was for the benefit of the postal service). In the other, it asked me to please respond promptly. By August 31st. I haven’t the slightest idea who that was for the benefit of, given that there was no way in hell for me to reply by the requested response date. Maybe if my magic mailbox that can send letters four days into the past was working…
Then I got a package in the mail today, September 5th, from the Stephen King Library. They automatically send me his newest book as soon as it gets published; instead of paying $35 plus tax at the bookstore, I get it for less than $20 (which includes shipping, handling, and spanking the yak). I got a hardcover version of ‘Salem’s Lot a couple months ago—the full, unedited version that includes illustrations and four or five short stories at the end—but like I said, it came out a couple months ago. You’d think they’d space the release of new books a little further apart so they wouldn’t be fighting each other for space on the best-seller list, right?
Well, you’d be right. The package wasn’t a new book—it was the 2007 Stephen King Desk Calendar. I just have one question: When did New Year’s and Christmas start competing for which could start earliest in the fall?! I still have almost four full months left in my current calendar, but now, if I need to schedule an appointment on April 12th of next year, I’ll be set!
The last time I checked, people have been putting up their Christmas decorations the day after Halloween, but New Year’s has suddenly pulled ahead to start the day after Labor Day. I swear to God, if I ever see a holiday calendar in my mailbox on July 5th, I’m gonna upgrade my ABA membership just so I can sue Santa Claus for emotional distress. (If I win, then I can afford to buy everyone’s Christmas gifts that early.)
