I stole this idea from another person’s blog—I’m gonna do a fun version first, then perhaps try something more sincere later. Perhaps…
I’M AMAZED… at how a little extra gasoline can make a house burn so much faster.
I DOUBT… I’ll do “The Chicken Dance” ever, ever, ever!
I CAN’T SEE… “clearly now, the rain is back…”
I WANT TO BEAT WITH A SOCKFUL OF QUARTERS… the washing machine at the apartment building.
I’M ADDICTED… to smack. I can’t stop talking it. Way too much fun to talk smack.
I FEEL BAD… about an hour after eating at Taco Bell.
I WATCH… people on the sidewalk and wonder how many of them have really bad gas this morning.
I LISTEN… to the voices in my head way too often.
IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS… I’d buy a million things off the dollar menu at a fast-food restaurant and still have $10,000 to spare (before sales tax).
I WANT… a cookie. Not just any cookie, mind you—I want your cookie.
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT… oxygen for longer than a couple minutes.
I’M OBSESSED… with having an equal number of boogers in each nostril.
I THINK CHILDREN… are out to get me.
I CAN’T WAIT… to pee while I’m driving on the interstate at 3:00 in the morning and all the gas stations are closed, so I wet myself and feel oh so much better!
I’M PROUD… that’s all. I’m just proud.
I HAVE A DREAM… pretty much every night.
I ALWAYS WEAR… my underwear until it has holes in it, though I usually wash it once or twice before that happens.
I FEAR… the monsters under my bed and the skeletons in my closet. They’re even worse than the children out to get me…
I WISH… for more wishes.
I ONCE ACCIDENTALLY… put it in the wrong hole and she punched me really hard.
I NEVER… want to see my parents having sex ever again. Not even on home video with porno music playing.
I’D KILL TO… have something to eat after my flight crashed into a mountain.
I MISS… when I try to shoot a target, but don’t hit it.
I’M LOATHE TO ADMIT… traffic violations when a cop pulls me over.
I’LL NEVER FORGIVE… those two hookers who gave me the clap last August (even though I shorted them ten bucks).
