Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, some Generation-X members of Mensa created a Yahoo mailing list for other members to keep in touch, talk about politics and religion, share cooking recipes and favorite methods to kill people without getting blood on your clothes… it’s fun stuff. The moderators of the list have set boundaries for what people can write, one of which has recently been broken, but they haven’t stopped it. That’s even more fun stuff.
The crime: making personal attacks. The perpetrator: some dude from South Africa whose screen name is “None of your business.” (Clever, isn’t he?) While we’re not sure what his motivation is, he has made it abundantly clear that he wants to be banned from the list. Consequently, the moderators won’t do it, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying. He’ll go off on a tear about how America is an oppressive nation, we killed all the Indians, bombed the Japanese, we eat too many Big Macs at McDonald’s… basically, he’s being as much of a prick as he possibly can.
I usually “lurk” on the list and let other people discuss how to kill their enemies, but after a few days of reading this guy’s drivel, I decided to throw my hat into the mix. (His initial message was a response to something one of my friends wrote—you can read our nifty exchanges below.) He’s usually quite prompt with his smart-ass replies, but he hasn’t written anything about my final message in this post. I’m quite disappointed, really, but when it comes to being a smart-ass… who’s yo’ daddy?
Now all I have to do is think up an appropriate victory dance. Given that he’s also talked about how low he could go with his insults, I’m thinking I should get the limbo pole ready.
> > and there we have it ladies and gentlemen: personal attacks.
>
> Mark : Oh, sorry, I must be getting something wrong here.
> Obviously a jackass is some sort of indigenous widespread species in
> your country, and not a derogatory term.
> In which case you won’t mind if I call you a jackass ?
Oooo-kay… so if you think naming people after an indigenous
widespread species is such a titallating activity, you won’t mind if I
call you a blue-balled monkey?
>
> >
> > for someone we SO know is looking for a boot after lurking
> > who-knows-how-long, he’s sure working overtime for it.
>
> Lurking ?
> I joined this forum months ago, and found it to be vomit-inducing,
> so I ignored it. It took a period of boredom at work to motivate me
> into giving the lot of you a bucket of sh#t.
We appreciate your donation, but urge you to wipe off your computer
monitor for the sake of hygiene. Lord knows what sort of bacteria
might be in that bucket…
> >
> > we sure arent doing what we can as a group to freeze him out so he
> > takes his broken toys and goes home, are we?
>
> Oooooo….ganging up, are we ? What’s the matter ? I thought only
> ONE of you American heroes could take out an entire country with a
> single sentence ? Hey, tell you what, once you get the posse
> together, I will start running…well, walking at a quick pace.
> Let’s see how the obese farts among you handle that !
I might consider this ongoing discussion “ganging up” if you had
chosen to insult a single member of the list versus, well, pretty much
everybody here. As for taking out a country with a sentence… “Hey,
what does this button do?” (That was a six-word story, too! Rock
on!) Feel free to start moving at any pace you choose–as long as
you’re moving away from us, we’ll wave politely and then the obese
farts can go back to eating their Big Macs and fries again.
>
> >
> > of course, i have to wonder what tragic nonsense is going on in his
> > life that he feels the only validation is to take his vendetta out
> on the list which has, as well as i can tell, done absolutely
> nothing to him. and if he’s taking up the fight for his mate, i
> just have to wonder what he’s getting out of it.
>
> Nah, I’m just doing this for a bit of fun. If I wanted intellectual
> stimulation, I would just talk to myself…much more challenging.
If you find it challenging to talk to yourself… ’nuff said.
>
> >
> > that’s all pretty rhetorical, since frankly, i don’t plan to waste
> any further time on his afflictions. i just look forward to him
> getting bored and leaving and us going back to our business as usual.
> >
> > oh…it was so pleasant a few days ago…
> >
> Business as usual being the most inane cr#p I have ever heard on a
> forum.
But not so inane that you weren’t willing to jump into the middle of
“business as usual” hip-deep. Again, thanks for your donation and
don’t forget to wipe.
__________________________________________________________
> > Oooo-kay… so if you think naming people after an indigenous
> > widespread species is such a titallating activity, you won’t mind
> if I call you a blue-balled monkey?
> >
>
> Not in the least. Blue balls implies loads of sex.
> Thanks for asking. Quite polite of you.
> Are you sure you’re not Canadian ?
Actually, no. Blue balls refers to a lack of sexual satisfaction,
which could imply lots of spanking it and getting hand cramps before
you can finish yourself off.
>
> >
> > We appreciate your donation, but urge you to wipe off your computer
> > monitor for the sake of hygiene. Lord knows what sort of bacteria
> > might be in that bucket…
> >
> Too right. After all, I am currently in South Africa, and I’m sure
> you know how rampant the big disease with a little name is out here.
> Which reminds me. Gino seems quite curious about my sexual
> persuasion, wanted to know if I took it up the end.
> I was just wondering if he was….you know…..the type of guy who
> wakes up with a sore ass and 5 bucks in his hand ?
> Sorry, Gino, but I politely decline, I prefer babes, although I am
> quite complimented by the fact that a member of the same sex finds
> me attractive….which certainly improves my options if I ever
> change my mind….
That wasn’t the kind of bacteria I was referring to, but since you
mention it, I don’t know whether said “big disease” comes directly out
of your anus unless someone put it up there for you, but you’d know
better than I would.
Re: Gino’s sexual orientation, read… pretty much anything he’s
posted on this list. This one is a pretty good example:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GenX-Ms/message/95697
>
> > I might consider this ongoing discussion “ganging up” if you had
> > chosen to insult a single member of the list versus, well, pretty
> much everybody here. As for taking out a country with a
> sentence… “Hey, what does this button do?”
>
> It flushes the toilet. Don’t forget to wipe.
If you know of any countries capable of being destroyed by a flushing
toilet, send them my condolences.
>
> Feel free to start moving at any pace you choose–as long as you’re
> moving away from us, we’ll wave politely and then the obese farts
> can go back to eating their Big Macs and fries again.
> >
> I do appreciate a bit of truth every now and then. So when these
> obese farts keel over and die from a heart attack, do you gather
> them up, put them into a gigantic sausage grinder and recycle them
> back into Big Macs ?
No, we grind them up for fertilizer, then use that to grow feed for
the cows that we kill to make more Big Macs. Close, but you missed a
few steps.
>
> > If you find it challenging to talk to yourself… ’nuff said.
> >
> Hey ! Are you making fun of my schizophrenia ?
>
Why are you asking me? Ask the voices. They’ll give you a better
answer.
_________________________________________________________
> > > Not in the least. Blue balls implies loads of sex.
> > > Thanks for asking. Quite polite of you.
> > > Are you sure you’re not Canadian ?
> >
> > Actually, no. Blue balls refers to a lack of sexual satisfaction,
> > which could imply lots of spanking it and getting hand cramps
> before you can finish yourself off.
>
> You seem to know an awwwwful lot about this……
I was watching The Daily Show one days and Dennis Miller was telling
Jon Stewart about a safari he took to Africa with his family. Late
one night, he needed to leave his tent and almost had a very close
encounter with a blue-balled monkey. The reason he was afraid? “In
case it wanted to become a regular-balled monkey…” You’ve never
bumped into Dennis Miller in the wild, have you?
> >
> > That wasn’t the kind of bacteria I was referring to, but since you
> > mention it, I don’t know whether said “big disease” comes directly
> out of your anus unless someone put it up there for you, but you’d
> know better than I would.
>
> I have a friend in San Fransisco who is quite into this sort of
> thing. He got his wife to strap on a rubber one…..hmmmmm…….I
> wonder if that had anything to do with his divorce ?
Your friend got his wife to strap on a rubber anus?
> >
> > If you know of any countries capable of being destroyed by a
> flushing toilet, send them my condolences.
>
> Well, the US dropped a couple of HUMONGOUS turds on Japan a few
> decades ago. Does that count ?
No. I can type it slower if you can’t read that fast: f-l-u-s-h-i-n-g
t-o-i-l-e-t.
> >
> > No, we grind them up for fertilizer, then use that to grow feed for
> > the cows that we kill to make more Big Macs. Close, but you
> missed a few steps.
>
> So if your cows start doing the splits and those funny little jigs,
> do you call it Mac Cow disease ?
No again. And if that was supposed to be an insult to all us obese
Americans, you’re really stretching. Possibly to the point of doing
the splits.
>
> > Why are you asking me? Ask the voices. They’ll give you a better
> > answer.
> >
> They want to know if I will allow them to visit you tonight.
> What should I tell them ?
Tell them to come on over. I’d love to hear all the stories they
might have to tell about what a great person you are! Unfortunately,
I don’t think I’ll be hearing anything from them. What a shame…
_____________________________________________________________
> > > I have a friend in San Fransisco who is quite into this sort of
> > > thing. He got his wife to strap on a rubber
> one…..hmmmmm…….I wonder if that had anything to do with his
> divorce ?
> >
> > Your friend got his wife to strap on a rubber anus?
> >
>
> OK, it’s official.
> You DEFINITELY don’t get around much.
OK, it’s official.
You DEFINITELY don’t read what you write. Let’s recap, shall we?
SHAWN: “I don’t know whether said ‘big disease’ comes directly out of your anus unless someone put it up there for you, but you’d know better than I would.”
NONE: “He got his wife to strap on a rubber one……”
I’m assuming people aren’t capable of strapping on a rubber virus, so by process of elimination, she must have been strapping on a rubber anus. It was a logical conclusion, so either you’re incapable of logic or simply choose to ignore it. Either way doesn’t speak very highly of you, does it?
> > > > If you know of any countries capable of being destroyed by a
> > > flushing toilet, send them my condolences.
> > >
> > > Well, the US dropped a couple of HUMONGOUS turds on Japan a few
> > > decades ago. Does that count ?
> >
> > No. I can type it slower if you can’t read that fast: f-l-u-s-h-i-
> n-g t-o-i-l-e-t.
>
> Doctors prescription : Brain enema.
Ooo, snap! Good comeback! Yeah, you’re definitely a heavyweight when it comes to argumentation. And I’m not sure what kind of doctor in your country prescribes squirting fluids into your head to flush out nasty thoughts, but that might explain the voices you’ve been hearing.
> > > So if your cows start doing the splits and those funny little
> jigs do you call it Mac Cow disease ?
> >
> > No again. And if that was supposed to be an insult to all us obese
> > Americans, you’re really stretching. Possibly to the point of
> doing the splits.
>
> ‘Us’ eh ?
> So you are one of them ?
> He he.
> Fatty.
Actually, no, but since you’ve already provided us with a glimpse of your obsession with obesity and I can’t give you with any proof of my physical stature (much like you can’t prove the existence of your attractive girlfriend), I figured you were two McDonald’s comments away from calling me fat anyway. Might as well help you out and speed things up a little, right?
> > > They want to know if I will allow them to visit you tonight.
> > > What should I tell them ?
> >
> > Tell them to come on over. I’d love to hear all the stories they
> > might have to tell about what a great person you are!
> Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be hearing anything from them.
> What a shame…
> >
>
> Looks like you won’t be needing any company after all….you have
> enough rolls of fat to talk to….
When did I say I needed company? I just wanted to have a decent conversation and thought your voices might provide a better one than your writing does. I’ll admit it, I was wrong–they’re even worse.
